You know the saying, “Dogs have owners; Cats have staff?”
I beg to differ.
Positions needed by the dog looking for personal staff:
Wardrobe Mistress – Coordinate collar, tags, leash, and possibly coat and boots to create a striking appearance when stepping out.
Pacer – Set a walking pace that optimizes exercise at a record speed without causing leash strangulation.
Administrative Assistant – Aid in replying to all p-mails.
Poop Valet – Gently recover all leavings and transport them safely home.
Chauffer – Aerate ears by driving the perfect speed with windows lowered to an optimal level.
Personal Chef – Make processed kibble and treats more palatable, preferably by replacing them with hamburgers, cheese, steak, chicken, liver, bacon…
Explorer – Perform excavations to search for new forms of life hidden under several feet of shed fur.
Social Secretary – Facilitate greeting other dogs on walks by traveling in a circle while holding a leash so no tangling occurs.
All positions could be held by one person
Payment will be made in the form of :
- loving looks
- wet nose prints
- lifelong friendship
Barter will also be considered. The right person staffing the positions could expect the following services in trade:
- bed warming
- plate cleaning
- retrieving
Apply by completing an application with your list of qualifications and references at your nearest animal shelter or rescue organization today.
One more position– cleaning personnel for all the rhino-sized hair balls. 🙂
Heh. I am feeling a little taken advantage of. My dog neither warms my bed nor retrieves anything. Clearly I need a better lawyer to negotiate my contracts for me.
Lol…some pups just give payments in other ways : )
There are occasional nursing duties, even for the healthiest dogs, including pill administration, cajoling, etc.
Oh oh, the personal staff needs to be able to provide massages, petting, and tummy rubs for extended periods of time and on demand! 🙂
Suddenly my cats seem like easier employers. 🙂 But then again, they don’t barter.
This should be someone’s PSA!
Someone rightly pointed out that space aliens observing our civilization would definitely think dogs were the superior species.
Miss Pamela, it’s like you read my mind! I’ve been wanting someone to fill all of these positions! I’m also looking for a pillow fluffer and treat fetcher. I hope that a lot of people turn those applications in! They’ll be glad they did!
Bunny
I don’t think I could pass up a deal like that.
Cute post! And so true!
I’m getting ripped off. Kol keeps the plates clean but that’s about it. Hey Kolchak: Mama wants a raise! Clean plates AND lots of snuggle time!
Cute! I believe this could describe any pet sitter or owner! I love the forms of payment the best. 🙂
Yes, we are merely their personal servants, but the pay is great. 🙂
What a great post! So very true. : )