If Dogs Talked About Us

Hound Mix and Golden Retriever

She’s awfully obsessive with that keyboard toy. Do you think we should talk to the doctor about giving her medication?

Here in blogville, we can get a bit obsessive about our pups.

What makes them happy? Are they frightened? How can we give them the best lives? Are they healthy?

What if Dogs Talked About Us?

I can hear snippets of conversation at the park now:

“Y’know, she might make a good therapy person. I guess we’ll just have to start her in grad school and see if she wants to do it.”

“I don’t like the look of that poop. I should not have let him drink another beer last night.”

“We find her annual breast exam goes much better when we pop Oreos into her mouth the whole time.”

“He’s pretty good one-on-one but when we take him to a party, he just plays in the corner by himself.”

“Every time she goes outside I find her digging in the garden. Do you think I need to give her more exercise?”

“I don’t really like him hanging around that bar. He just humps everything in sight.”

“She’s much calmer around the house if I play music. She seems to like Neil Diamond the best.”

“Do you think her nails are getting a little long? I just hate to cut them. She puts up such a fuss.”

“I’m always tripping over his toys. He leaves them all over the house. Do you think I could teach him to put them away himself?”

“He’s been picking up some really bad habits lately. I think he’s learning from those foul-mouthed rugby players at the park.”

“She’s so shy around other people. I’m thinking of enrolling her in capoeira to boost her confidence.”

“I’d love her to get her good citizen award but she always cries when I leave her.”

“That ball player sure is doing a lot of scratching. Do you think he has fleas?”

Dogs Are Better Than Humans

…at living in the moment. That’s why we don’t have to worry about them obsessing over our activities.

That, and they can’t talk. Whew!

If your dog talked about you the way you talk about her, what would she say?

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Comments

  1. Too funny! Personally, I like the idea of being fed Oreos at the doctor’s!!

  2. oh very funny! well, i get you back at mine. and on that cryptic note… :)

    p.s. NEIL DIAMOND? as in song sung blue? you crack me up Pamela Webster!

  3. Super cute!! Love the ball player probably has fleas and that is why he is scratching lol.

    BTW…my Dakota CAN talk :)

  4. I have solid evidence that my dogs do talk about me, but until I read this post I thought they were saying how wonderful I am.

  5. Very funny! I also would love to be fed Oreos at the doc!

  6. hahaha good one! makes me wonder what my dog would say about me…

  7. I’ve just come across from the Extreme pet bloggers blog hop to say hi.

    I wish someone would feed me Oreos at the doctors.

  8. My breast exam WOULD go a lot better if someone popped Oreos in my mouth the whole time, just sayin’.

  9. Hmmmmm…. .what would I say about Jen?

  10. “Look at that resource guarding! Taking the whole slice of banana bread, and just giving me the crumbs! And gets so huffy when I put my nose on the plate!”

    But the one I’m pretty sure he really is saying all the time:
    “She sure is slow compared to the other human. Why aren’t we going faster!?”

  11. Oreos at the Dr’s office . . yes please!! Too funny – I’m sure Cali has some great convo’s with the kitties about me!

  12. Oh, I’m quite certain I don’t want to know what Bella would say about me. We are far too similar to believe I wouldn’t be on the receiving end of some scathing sarcasm. And I know what they say about ‘pay-back’. 😉

  13. 😀

  14. Okay, that was just hysterical. Maybe we humans ARE a bit obsessive!

  15. Ha ha ha! You made my Sunday with this one! I am afraid to know what they’d say, but I am pretty sure Bunny would sell the Bush’s Baked Beans secret if it would buy her more collars!

  16. Awesome funny post. ( I like Neil Diamond too )
    Roxy would say something about the fact we go walking all the time, sometimes good or bad.
    Torrey would say something about not walking enough, or…”Where the hell did she hide that frisbee again?”

  17. *laughing hysterically* I have no comment…I’m glad no one else can talk in this house!!

  18. That was wonderful Pamela!! It made me laugh out loud a couple of times.

    I shudder to think what my dogs would say about me! They would probably be as neurotic as I am. They would definitely say I spend too much time on the laptop and not enough time on the trails. Then they would probably complain about me measuring their food and obsessing about our weights.

  19. I can only imagine what they are saying about me! The thought of what they might say is scary. If they start talking about my poops I am going to die. :)

  20. Hilarious!! :)

  21. OMG. I started laughing when I read your post this morning. Yes! COmpetition works well here too! I suspected this might happen when you wrote about Cherie getting in on some of the fun with the cart. So cute!

    I also had to laugh when you mentioned your non-competitive/competitive side. We are just the opposite! I am highly competitive when playing a game and less competitive when writing my blog posts. If you haven’t noticed it lately, I’ve been mailing it in a bit. I have had a really hard time finding time to write (I wonder who did a session on that recently?). I am hoping you are not looking me up when you compare blogs. I am no competition compared to others I know. :)

    Great post Pamela.

  22. Oh, Pamela… this post had me doubled over with laughter!

    I can only imagine what Bella & Tavish would have to say about me. I’m not sure I want to find out. :)