I Need Dog Insurance

I pay thousands of dollars each year for homeowner’s, medical, and (rental) car insurance. And I never make a claim.

If I really wanted protection, I’d get dog insurance.

Honey the golden retriever smiles up close.

You’re at serious risk of me jumping onto your lap. You’d better get insurance.

Dog Insurance I Need

I know we don’t get insurance hoping that something bad will happen to us so we can get paid. It’s a way to manage risk.

But I think the following dog events are much more risky (and likely to happen) than a fire or medical bills that cost more than our $11,000 deductible.

I need dog insurance with the following coverage:

Hamburger Protection 

If my dog Honey walks off with a friendly stranger with hamburgers in his pocket, I need coverage to pay for enough liverwurst to lure her back.

Honey the golden retriever picks up a squeaky toy.

This is the noisiest squeaky toy I own. I think it will do nicely for my early morning greetings.

Squeaky Liability

To pay for lawsuits from night owl neighbors who don’t understand why Honey needs to dance around the yard at 5:00 a.m. with a squeaky toy in her mouth.

Choking Hazard Policy

If the vacuum broke, we might die from breathing the golden tumbleweeds that lurk in every corner.

Honey the Golden Retriever sheds.

Go ahead, groom me all you like. I’ll make more.

Cuteness Overload Coverage

Over the years, we’ve built up a resistance. But I worry that one of the visitors who says upon meeting Honey, “Oh my dog, she’s so cute I’m just going to die!” will actually do it.

It would be nice to at least be able to pay for the funeral.

Head Injury Protection

One of these days when Honey rolls over in bed, she’s going to push me right off the edge. I’d like to know my concussion will be covered.

Taunting Squirrel Coverage

I bet those squirrels wouldn’t be so cheeky on our walks if I had insurance to cover my injuries when they lure Honey into a chase.

Honey the golden retriever looks at the lake.

On a windy day like this one, I could use dreadlocks insurance. I’ll never get the knots out of my hair.

Blog Inspiration Policy

How about protection in case my brain stops working or Honey becomes less cute or more boring?

Nah, we won’t need that one.

Your Turn: Do you need dog insurance? What policy would you take out to protect yourself from risk?



  1. BOL 😉

    We have dog insurance through PetsBest, and we have had to use them several times over the last 3 years. So much so, that the premium of over $2,000 we’ve paid so far has paid for itself a few times.

    The largest ticket was Missy’s cancer treatment, with over $7,000 for the removal of her tumor and 4 chemotherapy treatments. PetsBest covered over $6,000, leaving us with about $1,500 out of pocket expenses. We would have had a MUCH harder time coming up with the $$$ for her treatment had we not had our insurance.

    Due to the fact that there are many pet insurance companies out there, one definitely has to sit down and compare them all. That’s exactly what I did in 2011 for an entire weekend, while preparing for the pups’ arrival…you can read my post about it on my blog 😉

  2. They say my hair clogs up all sorts of household appliances! I think they exaggerate!

  3. Mom often says Bailie is going to kill her, so maybe we do need some of that insurance. I think some day Bailie will mature, but until then, we have to keep a close watch on our Mom. Bailie can drive her to the edge, but she also loves her to death. Scary stuff it sounds like.

  4. I would like a policy that paid out whenever my boyfriend enters the house to announce that one of he dogs “took a crap.” And it would be nice to get a bonus when he walks into a room where I’m watching my programs with dog wipes and a sad-faced Scout, because his anal glands expressed and he needs to be wiped back there.

  5. http://Martine says

    I should probably take out disability insurance. One of these days, if I’m not fast enough on the dodge, I’m going to have a knee taken out by a rowdy game of bitey-face between our two 100-lb bruisers.

  6. I have insurance for Ducky, but it doesn’t cover any of those things. I need doggie psychotherapy insurance for poor Shadow for all the times she hides from Sam after he’s yelled at Ducky for barking too much. I’ve given up trying to convince him that his yelling only makes things worse. But he knows better … NOT.

  7. Ha – love these! I cannot think of any other insurance I would need. Just the coverage you described. Especially the stolen hamburger one…Blueberry has little shame in begging strangers for food. Last weekend they were having a chili cook off a half mile away from the area we were walking but the wind brought the smell to her nose and she kept trying to pull me in that direction. I guess she wanted to help judge the entries. 😉

  8. Haha – here was me thinking I was opening a post about pet insurance, this made me giggle and cheered me up! Thank you.

    I think I need to take out insurance for my ears, the loudness, and duration, of whining when Barney wants to play will surely send me deaf one day!
    Insurance to cover to buy an extra sofa, because although we have a 3 seater sofa, it only appears to fit 2 – my husband and Barney (who is a Border Terrier, but somehow manages to take up the space of a Great Dane!).
    Insurance to cover any possible intruders who may try to enter our home from Barney who will bark at first and then lick them to death!
    BOL! love this post!

  9. I need all of those, particularly squeaky liability.

  10. With Jax I definitely need insurance for the middle aged puppy mom’s mental state 0- at least until he’s about 4 years old LOL