The Rival in My Bed

All the signs are there—blonde hairs on my pillow, a warm spot when I lie down, the squeaky toy hidden beneath the sheets. Someone is my rival for my husband’s attention in bed. And I think it’s my dog.
 

Honey the golden retriever sleeps in.

Brazen hussy.


 

My Dog Is My Rival In Bed

Honey sprawls diagonally across the bed. As the night goes on, she burrows in between us, her legs out straight to the side as if to push us apart. Or even worse, she turns over on her back and places a paw across my eye like a pirate’s patch.

And that’s why Honey sleeps in a crate we don’t have room for. Except when she doesn’t.
 

Golden Retriever on the bed.

I’m not your rival. I’m just using this comfy butt as a pillow.


 

My Husband Loves My Rival More Than Me

If I stay up late, I’ll find my husband and my rival intertwined on the bed. He’ll be sleeping on his side with his pillow folded in half the way he likes to sleep. Honey will be nestled into the curve of his knees with her head resting on his thigh.

One late night and I’ve been replaced.

It all came out last night. My husband said, “I like having Honey on the bed. I like cuddling with her at night.”

And I asked the question no wife, certainly not one smart enough to be married to the same man for 25 years, should ever ask: “Do you like cuddling with Honey more than you like cuddling with me?”

And Mike gave the answer no husband, certainly not one smart enough to be married to the same woman for 25 years, should ever answer: “Well, I don’t get all hot and sweaty when I cuddle with her.”

I’m still trying to figure out how that’s possible. After all, Honey has a normal body temperature of 101° Fahrenheit (38° Celsius) and is covered in fur. I have a normal body temperature of 97.9° (35° Celsius) and am practically hairless.

But I know it’s true.

On a cold winter night, I’ll crawl into bed shivering. Mike will move over to warm me up. The next thing I know, I’m only shivering a little bit while he’s running wet with sweat.

But just because she doesn’t make him sweat, does that mean I should tolerate my dog as my rival?
 

Honey the Golden Retriever sits in the tub as my rival.

Does being a rival mean I have to take a bath with you?

My Dog Is My Rival (And I Like It)

 
I’ve decided not to worry about Honey being my rival in bed.

For one thing, my husband is a really good guy. And knowing that he should never have admitted he liked cuddling with Honey more than he liked cuddling with me, he’s going to try to make it up to me. I’ll let him.

And secondly? A man who loves dogs is adorable. Heck, it’s darn hot.

What can I say? Love me, love my dog.

Besides, I can always entice my rival into her crate with a cookie.

Your Turn: Do any of your animals become rivals for the affection of someone in your life? Or are your animals rivals for your affection with someone else?

 

 

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Comments

  1. Mike Webster says:

    From the Husband, to my darling Wife:

    In the list of reasons why I find it easier to sleep with Honey cuddling me than with me cuddling you, you seem to have omitted the one semi-autonomic physiomotor response that, being a man who after twenty-five years still loves his wife enough to find her incredibly desirable, occurs REGULARLY when I cuddle you and NEVER, I repeat NEVER, when Honey cuddles me.

    And that phenomenon, my dear, makes it very hard – check that, I meant very difficult, this is a family blog – to fall asleep at all.

  2. He’s a real keeper Pam…
    Sally was my rival – she was Steve’s little princess and he doted on her. She slept between us on the bed like Honey, but luckily she was a very compact sleeper, preferring to sleep curled up, so she was great to cuddle with. Sharing the bed became more of a challenge when Tino joined us up there, and since I usually sleep on my back, his favorite spot was to sleep between my legs…I never asked Steve how he felt about that!

    • You’re probably lucky Steve hasn’t decided to write about Tino’s favorite sleeping spot on the Slim Doggy blog. :)

      BTW, I had a giggle this morning when I noticed that Mike went out of the house wearing a Slim Doggy t-shirt under his dress shirt and tie. I was able to see your little logo peeking through his shirt just above the breast pocket. :)

  3. At least you only have one rival for his affections! I have three to compete with! Although, in Bunny’s defense, she actually prefers to curl up with me and she spends much of the night trying to push my husband out of the bed. Heck, as soon as I get up in the morning to get in the shower, he’s in there on the bed with his computer, watching a show he missed with his harem all around him!

    And I’m not sure that getting hot and sweaty with you is necessarily a bad thing…. 😉

  4. Our golden retriever Ike is very bold about taking up space in the bed. Tell your husband Mike that Ike actually pushed my husband Mike out of bed once! I woke up as Ike was trying to wedge himself in between Mike and myself, and he stretched his legs and actually rolled my husband off the edge and over the side…where Mike ended up on the floor on Ike’s dog bed! And even after that, sweet Mike still lets Ike sleep up on the bed, but now tries to steer him toward the space by our feet (note: we have only a full size bed and two dogs, so there’s not a lot of room!)

    • Wow, Peggy, I’m impressed with you and Mike – Ike’s a pretty big dog to have in a full size bed! That’s love!!

      • I’m impressed too, Peggy! Sam & I have a king size bed and 2 with both Callie & Shadow on the bed with us, it gets p r e t t y crowded! But they both usually get off the bed after an hour or so because they get too hot…Callie prefers the cool linoleum on the bathroom floor and Shadow prefers one of the dogbeds. (Ducky sleeps in her crate in the room downstairs…all of 3 steps.) Most of the time, Sam’s snoring drives me out of our bed and into the other bedroom — I’m a very light sleeper what can I say — where I watch a Bogie movie until I get sleepy again. :-)

  5. I see nothing strange here at all – it sounds like the very model of a modern marriage general. (Okay, I was trying for a G&S joke, but I lost it at the end. A modern marriage marital? I got nothin’.) Our dogs don’t sleep on the bed (as Bella gets hot too easily and I’m pretty sure Tavish would fall off), but they do often plop down right in the middle of the couch. I think they like playing chaperone, making sure there’s enough room between any couple they encounter.

    Honey’s a smart gal, spreading her love around. The more the merrier, right?

    Mike’s also a smart guy, based on his comment above. Well played, good sir.

  6. It sounds like you’ve married a man with a soft heart Pamela. How can you not love a guy who loves to cuddle with the dog? If that is your biggest problem, I’d say you are very lucky indeed! 😉

    • Mike Webster says:

      Vicki, that is NOT, I repeat NOT, Pam’s biggest problem. She just loves me too much to reveal the other ones in public. :)

  7. I loved this post, and I love the captions you have on the pictures. Personally, I love a man who is confident enough to cuddle his dog and admit to his wife why he likes cuddling the dog. And after 25 years I think you’re very lucky to have a man that gets hot, sweaty and aroused when he’s cuddling you. “-)

    We have two large dogs that both sleep on the bed and there are some nights when one of us is sleeping on the edge and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

  8. Nothing like a little variety to keep a marriage alive. :)

    Mike is definitely a keeper. And so are you. I see another 50 years in your future, and maybe a few more blonde beauties along the way!

  9. I love that. Roxy sleeps with me, but she is tiny and doesn’t take up lot of room.

  10. I think my animals become rivals for my affection with someone else. I can remember, way back, with an old boyfriend, we rescued a pair of street kittens. We both loved them but I can remember him telling me he wished we had never got them because as soon as the cats settled in, I gave all of my affections to them now, and he felt left out. Oops! I am quite sure the same is still true today!

  11. The more I do for Franny, the more she ignores me and snuggles up to my husband. She likes having a slave AND an alpha male in her entourage. Brat.

  12. Luckily, all 3 dogs prefer cuddling with me. Hurley and Sadie almost always jump on my husband’s man parts when they’re invited up so he hates letting them in bed & I win as preferred cuddler for all family members :-)

  13. It seems like a harmless Ménage à trois to spice up a marriage.

  14. *ahem* Not to add to the familia discord, Pamela, but I must say it seems rather odd that you’re calling Mike out on this snuggle business here…on your blog…about how much you love your dog. Is there, pray tell, a “Something Hubby” blog somewhere on the interwebz I have failed to stumble across up until now? Can you point me toward some charming, humour filled pieces on how much joy & wisdom Mike brings to your life? Can you?? Hmmmmmm?! Well then, I thought not. If I was you, Mike, I’d try turning the tables around and asking how she intended to made this years-long snub up to YOU.

    Felix and Kol were most definitely my rivals for snuggles from the Daddy, though I would never have been bold enough to have asked who he genuinely preferred. Truth be told, I’m not much for human snuggling either. I prefer my snuggle companions to be small & fuzzy. That’s the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it.

  15. Mike seems to have planted this “firmly” back in your lap, Pamela, with his response above. Nicely played, Mike … nicely played. =)

  16. Being single, I can sleep with as many dogs as I want – or who can fit on the bed/chair. Sometimes, it’s 3 Dachshunds, 2 Beagles, and a hound/Dobie mix. I have to grab my blanket first before everyone gets cuddled in. No double …..(whatever) here – hehe.

  17. Vlad & Barkly's Dee says:

    Barkly might actually belong to hubs and not me, but he’s going to pick me for cuddling any day of the week. Vlad’s just like Dannyboy was when anyone hugs me. He’ll come up and shove his head between us, and Barkly will come up and stand on his back feet beside Vlad. Everyone knows they prefer me to anyone else on earth. Having been shoved aside by a determined dog wanting hugs too has made hubs NOT willing to put up with any of it in bed. (Plus my allergies make sleeping with them not the best thing on earth.) So, a pet-gate blocks off the bedroom section of the house. If he weren’t around to tell me “no” though, I’d probably sleep with them even if it made me sick.

  18. Cali never slept with us – she used to jump on the bed in the morning in her younger years, but she never stayed long. I have to compete with three cats :) You gotta love a man that tries to peel himself out of bed without disturbing the cats!

    She is a cute little hussy, and she looks very cuddly, I don’t really blame Mike :)

    Um, I’m supposed to be working . . .how did I get here?

  19. Desmond and my husband are madly in love with each other to the point where the hubs will go snuggle with the dog on the floor or the dog’s bed or in the crate. IN the crate. I am chopped liver; nothing more than the person who provides the food that everyone wishes was less healthy anyway. But I got the last laugh because, even though we bought a king size bed specifically to accommodate Desmond, he actually doesn’t seem to like it much and now sleeps almost every night in his own bed. And THAT bed is now on Joey’s side of the room; so when Desmond wakes up every few hours to whine until someone recovers him with his blanket, I don’t have to deal with it anymore. I get to sleep all night in a luxurious king bed with no one kicking me or snoring directly in my ear. It is glorious.

  20. I can’t even pretend to compete with the witty ripostes I have seen in this comment section. This is far more entertaining than my Facebook page on a good day.

    My dog never, ever used to sleep on the bed, or even in our bedroom, until this summer. It has made certain activities a bit less spontaneous. Nothing like dog drool to kill a moment.

  21. LOL! Love this post. I wish my husband liked cuddling with the dogs on the bed. He does not like them on the furniture. So if he’s not home and I feel like cuddling, I get out the blue sheet and cover the bed or couch and cuddle. Maya and Pierson know that blue sheet very well and get way excited about it even before I have a chance to unfold it.

  22. Well … depends on whom you ask. If you asked my hubby … 😉

  23. Single here. All the best guys are taken! So it’s me, Frankie and Beryl in my super kingsized bed. Asher has to sleep in a bed on the floor as there’s no room for him once Beryl spreads out. Frankie is a great cuddler, Beryl is all about her, as usual. She just likes having her tummy rubbed :)

    Have you ever considered cloning Mike? I’m sure I’m not the only single woman who wouldn’t say no to a bloke who loves dogs as much as he does?

    • Mike Webster says:

      From the Husband:
      Probably now under development by some biogeneticist for eventual distribution through a retailer near you, the Husband clone, while it includes being well-disposed to dogs, also comes with garlic breath and bouts of excessive flatulence. So shop carefully.

  24. I was going to start by saying well wouldn’t you rather cuddle with honey too, however having read Mikes comments above I have to just say you are the luckiest woman in the world, so maybe put up with this! :0)

  25. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Your post is hilarious, but Mike’s response to it is GOLDEN! Perfection.

    Our dogs sleep on the floor. Well, sometimes Flash sleeps on the bed. And he sleeps at the foot of the bed. Sometimes. Sometimes he snuggle with me. *ahem*

    What really chaps my Hunny’s hide is the duck. Jimmy is in love with me. He humps my feet every chance he gets, then does a victory lap around the yard. I wear Crocs in the yard, so the jury’s out on whether the duck loves me or my Crocs.

  26. My comment is for Mike…A sense of humour is one of the most attractive things about a man…Pam is a lucky woman

  27. As you can see, I’m a few days behind in my reading/commenting. Oh well. TGIF. Pamela, you are one lucky gal! And so am I! Sam’s snoring may drive me out of the bedroom more often than not, but at least he has a good sense of humor about it.