If Dogs Wrote Advice Columns

I can’t resist reading articles offering tips and advice. Maybe I’ll learn the one thing I most need to transform my life.

Of course it hasn’t happened so far.

I wonder what would happen if my dog Honey wrote an advice column. What words of wisdom would she have for the world?

Honey the golden retriever takes a nap.

Wow, telling everyone how to run their lives is exhausting. I’m ready for a nap.


Honey’s Tips for Better Living

“Burn More Calories Today – Spin Before Eating Dinner and 10 Other Great Tips”

“50 Ways to Maximize Shedding”

“Limit Your Human’s Screen Time – How to Get in the Way of Desktops, Laptops, and Tablets”

“Start Barking Now to Get the Walks You Deserve”

“Using Clicker Training to Get More Treats (Hint: It’s All About Playing Dumb)”

“Canine-sumer Reports Lists the Best Educational Toys for Puppies”

“Don’t Let that Passive Aggressive Cur at the Dog Park Ruin Your Fun – Here’s How to Deal”

“You CAN Open the Refrigerator Yourself – Read Our Step by Step Method”

“Is It ‘Fetch’ or ‘Retrieve’? – Understanding Humans No Matter What Words They Use

“Want To Be the Center of Attention? 5 Songs to Play on Your Squeaky Toy”

” ‘But I Don’t Want to Swim’ – How to Deal With the Unreasonable Expectations of Others”

 “Don’t Just Rely On Your Looks – Stop Others From Seeing You as Just a Beautiful Blonde”

“Butt Sniffing Etiquette – How to Know When You’ve Gone Too Far”

“Protect Your Privacy – Don’t Let Pesky Bloggers Reveal Your Biggest Secrets”

Then again, maybe I don’t really want to know what Honey would advise.

Your Turn: If your dog wrote an advice column what words of wisdom would she share?




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  1. Jimmy and Wilson would suggest:

    The 5 Most Successful Begging Poses for Maximum Treats!

  2. 10 ways to get your human to feed you before its time to eat

  3. Dakota would write “I am a dog and I will bark if I want to”

  4. Beryl would write “How To Keep Foster Dogs In Their Lowly Place” and Frankie would write “How To Wear Out Foster Dogs So They Don’t Bother My Sister Who Is A Princess”

  5. Sage definitely would write “Chasing a squirrel–techniques and procedures” or maybe “How to avoid a bath after wallowing in the mud”. :)

  6. That list is awesome! Love it!

  7. Callie and Shadow would particularly like the 3rd one — Limit Your Human’s Screen Time!

  8. We don’t have a dog, but if we did, we would read all of your advice! We do know and love dogs, just can’t have one.

  9. You forgot “How to help your human diet – tips on stealing food from the counter”…

    Monty excels at that one!

    Monty and Harlow

  10. Interesting? Mom (ME Sugar) was offered a column on a local paper. We are still thinking on what topics and to name our column. Lots of Golden Thinking to do so not even sure if we will accept the offer. Yes I do agree … it can be exhausting. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

  11. Too cute! I love the first one. Pierson does that every morning for the first potty break of the day, again just before breakfast, and again just before dinner. There are a few more times throughout the day, too. I also love the use of clicker training to maximize on treats! 😀

    If my dogs could write an advice column it would be, “How to teach your human to give a good belly rub”.

  12. Neeko would write about training humans to serve a princess.

    Bruce would write about how being a jerk can sometimes get you what you want.

    Faolan would write about how to make everyone love you.

  13. LOL!! I think my dog’s advice to us would be “Sit down and rest when you are tired.” We GO GO GO GO all the time. Lucky dogs get to take naps. 😉

  14. How to Act Like You’re Starving (Even When You’re Super Full)

  15. “How to create the look that is guaranteed to get you one more dog treat.”