Sixty percent of Americans have no dog in their homes.
Let that sink in.
No. Dog. Not even a little one.
What gives? Don’t they know how useful a dog is?
Alternative Uses for a Dog
Now if I only used my dog as a dog, I might reconsider having one myself. After all, they’re expensive, leave hair everywhere, and steal the sheets (hmmm, that also describes my husband).
But my dog is like a multi-tool with thousands of uses.
Here are just a few:
Vacuum – edibles disappear from my floor silently and in seconds. And I don’t need to change a bag.
Morning alarm – I never over sleep as long as I have Honey to tell me
she wants out of her crate it’s time to get up.
Dishwasher pre-rinse – No dishes go into the dishwasher without a thorough tongue scrubbing.
Fitness coach – Up and at ’em. Time for your walk. And your dog isn’t only the coach, but the equipment.
Free weights – Lift a 40 pound dog into a car a few times and you’ll see some amazing muscle definition. I’ve heard Michelle Obama is fit enough to use Bo for her workouts.
Cat toy – Kitty getting a little fat? Now you know the real reason the dog teases the cat. Gotta get her moving too.
Floor duster – After a few minutes dreaming on your hardwood floors, you dog will leave behind not a speck of dust. Lots of dog hair. But no dust.
Security guard – No need to worry about being invaded by boxes of Christmas cookies or Amazon boxes with your in-house safety officer.
Dog-sposal unit – Who needs a compost pile when your pup is willing and waiting to rid your sink of carrot ends and bits of chicken fat?
Father confessor – And your dog really won’t share your confidences with anyone else.
Gaming system – With a ball-shaped controller, your retriever will give hours of entertainment.
Privacy screen maker – No one can peer into windows covered with dog slobber and nose prints.
Placeholder – How would you ever find the leash you left outside the store if it wasn’t attached to a dog?
Best friend – Because why would you just want a dog when you could have the best friend ever?
What other uses have you found for your dog?