True. Being completely honest here, I suspect it was a little of both. And that is what bothers me, safety is always on my mind as a single woman, but to realize racism probably played a part is painful and disturbing.

You raise a good point. Sometimes people care more about looking politically correct than actually caring about other people.

Personally, I feel it’s a big problem in the U.S. that white people can’t recognize the intense pain the black community is feeling. It’s because until the news covers something, well meaning white people don’t see the problem.

If we didn’t have the protests, would anyone be talking about something that is a major issue in this country? Racial incidents in the U.S. are as common as tea in the U.K. But only a few items get national and international coverage.

My experience has been unusual in this country. I’ve been the minority. And I’ve only experienced one denigrating comment about my color, ever. But I’ve never known a black person who hasn’t had racial slurs directed as them, no matter where in the country they live.

Thanks for joining the conversation. It’s hard and confusing. And I always admire people who are willing to engage.

It’s like disability or even feminism – can a guy hold a door open for a woman to walk through or will he be seen as implying she is weak and can’t cope? Do you offer to help someone struggling, or are you implying they are not able? I can’t help but think we have gotten far too carried away with being PC.

I love this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RovF1zsDoeM and I can’t help but feel that actually if we all worried less about offending each other we wouldn’t see the barriers and perhaps would get on better.

Thanks, Sue.

As for Congress, I read something interesting several years ago. Apparently it was common for two hundred years for congresspeople to rent apartments in DC near or with other congresspeople. Until Rick Santorum decided to buy a house in Virginia.

Then lots of other congress members followed and now you no longer have our representatives living in close proximity to each other. Apparently, just living around someone can make it easier for you to work with them. Even if you disagree.

Perhaps we could jumpstart our congress if we started assigning them to dorms, like college freshmen. 🙂

Thank you for your openness and sharing here.

Speaking from personal experience, I do think it’s easy for decent, kind people to fail to realize that things are pretty bad because they don’t see them on a regular basis.

Living in one place for a long time can teach us a lot about community. But we have to move around to see how different the world is compared to our own experiences.

“Everyone tends to go to their corners and prepare to defend in light of a incident when really we should all be coming together as a larger community and trying to solve problems before they happen.”

Well said.

However, one thing I think you’re missing is that poverty, segregation, and other social issues that contribute to crime are also a result of systemic racism. For example, crack cocaine and powder cocaine are both illegal drugs. Powder cocaine has been very popular with white, particularly upper crust people. Crack has been heavily marketed to poor, black people. And yet the penalty for being caught using crack is much heavier than the penalty for snorting blow. And the massive incarceration of black men is having a horrific effect on our country.

And that based on my experience as a homeowner in a poor, minority neighborhood, most people ARE “teach[ing] their children not to steal, get into fights, do drugs, and to be respectful of adults including law enforcement officers.”

Personally, when I think of the worst crimes, I think of all the fraudulent lenders and hedge fund investors whose policies led to millions of Americans losing their homes and crippled the world economy. And yet no major lender has yet gone to jail for blatantly illegal acts.

HSBC executive lenders laundered money for terrorist organizations and not a single person went to jail. I can guarantee their actions have done more to create an international threat than any street criminal. But they have faced no consequences.

You might find Matt Taibbi’s The Divide an interesting read. It’s not about race per se. It’s about how differently wealthy people who commit crimes are treated than poor people. But there’s a strong correlation to race.

And finally:

“In the end I wish the world were a better place where we had less violence and more love. In the meantime I will be the best I can, and continue to work hard changing breed stereotypes, and loving people they way dogs do.”

Amen. Thank you friend, for being willing to talk about a tough subject.

Thank you for stopping by, Jane. And for your kind words.

Thanks so much for sharing your story Patricia. I love your honesty and your openness. And I bet your daughter has really benefited from the lessons you have taught her.

It takes a lot of courage to admit to being afraid. And also to working so that we don’t allow bad experiences with a few to change our relationships with others.

I also have been a crime victim several times, including coming home to find people in my home. And my husband has been held up at gunpoint more than once (he used to drive a cab).

But because my Philadelphia neighborhood was not at all diverse (it was nearly all African American) my positive interactions far outweighed my negative ones.

Yes, it was a black man who harassed me so severely on the trolley that I decided to get off early to make it less risky. But it was also 4 other black men who saw my problem and who surrounded the person threatening me and prevented him from getting off when I did.

And it was also a black man who stole something off my porch about an hour after I moved in. But it was also my black neighbor who chased him three blocks even though he hadn’t even met me yet.

I have dozens of similar stories.

When we live in crowded cities with lots of crime, we have the potential for risk and to be frightened. But we also have great potential for grace and friendship with a very diverse group of people.

Thanks so much for commenting on thist post.

Coming back to explain your word choice demonstrates so well how hard conversations about race are.

After hitting publish, I also worried that my last sentence could be read as menacing. Words matter. And using them well is a constant struggle.