Comments on: A Forever Home – The Dogma That Isn’t Always Good for Dogs

By: Dawn

Dawn — Sun, 04 Aug 2013 15:35:12 +0000

I love your blog even more than before. I feel this way about the others you mentioned above (not the original one, which I can’t bring myself to read). When I worked at an animal shelter years ago, it was difficult not to comment on the silly reasons people left their pets with us. It was difficult not to judge and not to get angry. But one of the people there helped me understand something. Those people were going to get rid of their pet one way or the other. Isn’t it better that they bring them to the shelter? While a shelter might be a convenient way for them to get rid of their ‘problem’, at least they were doing it the right way rather than leaving the poor animals left for dead.

By: Jessica@YouDidWhatWithYourWeiner

Jessica@YouDidWhatWithYourWeiner — Sun, 04 Aug 2013 05:51:00 +0000

I do strongly lean toward the “forever home” ideal. However, I agree that life is messy and sometimes people choose to give their dog up. Imagine if we forced that person to keep their dog. It wouldn’t change that the person didn’t love or gave up on their dog. Imagine how miserable that dog would be. I had a member of my Dachshund club get a puppy and contact me about finding him a new home a year later because he still wasn’t potty trained (Doxies are NOTORIOUSLY hard to potty train). Although I “didn’t approve”, I had the dog’s best interest in mind. I did ask him what he had tried and gave him a bit of advice but ultimately prepared to help him find his dog a home. Fortunately in this situation, the person decided to consult with a dog trainer and ended up keeping the dog. However, it could have gone the other way. My interest was in moving forward and helping to find the dog a better home if need be.

By: houndstooth

houndstooth — Sun, 04 Aug 2013 04:14:59 +0000

I can say that this is a really personal issue for us here at our house. I still struggle with doubts about whether we’re the right home for one of our dogs. Having her here causes a lot of stress and strife in our family and leaves us with a lot of questions. Before she was here, she lived in four different homes, and that hangs like a millstone around my neck. I know that she loves us, and loves us deeply, but sometimes I worry that her issues are greater than we can overcome. Actually, I’m afraid that they’re greater than anyone can overcome. The discussion has also come up about whether it’s right to dump her baggage on someone else, or whether she’d linger in limbo which would be even worse for her. If she were in rescue, would she just tie up resources that could be used for dogs that are a lot more suitable for adoption? It haunts me and keeps me awake at night. There’s such a hard balance between keeping her and keeping our other dogs safe, healthy and happy. It takes its toll in so many places and ways.

I think if you’re a person who has a great dog and your lifestyle has changed in a way that doesn’t allow for the best life for your dog, then it is a good idea to find a place where the dog will be happier.

By: weliveinaflat

weliveinaflat — Sun, 04 Aug 2013 02:42:53 +0000

Hello, I thought this is a great balanced view of the issue.

We have adopted, and we haven’t got a child yet though we want one. And of course I worry about how we would cope when we finally manage to conceive (which is pretty pointless since its not happened yet!).

Anyway, just wanted to say I do feel the responsibility that the words “forever home” implies. But I think people also need to do their best, and if they realise when doing their best is not working than do the right thing that will make life better for everyone/dog.

It’s not just dogs get over threshold, there will be times when humans struggle and find it difficult to manage as well. If the lady is thinking that the dog is better off dead, then maybe she needs to take that time off to calm down and find her own sense of self as well.

By: Roberta

Roberta — Sun, 04 Aug 2013 02:21:30 +0000

Oh, my – incredible – your post, the links, and the woman who won’t find her dog a better home. I tell all my adopters their dogs come back to Silverwalk; I understand life isn’t fair (boy, do I) and that, as much as we want to keep our pets forever, it just may not worked. Several times in my life it didn’t work – I re-homed my dog and took my beloved cat to our local humane society. Now days, I know people who would help, I know where to reach out. This is very needed in the rescue community – compassion for the whole family and to not write them off forever just because life threw them a curve once. Many people do not want to give up their pets (addressed in a recent post) but we, as rescuers and sanctuaries, need to be open to the pet(s) and the humans. At work, I take care of my patients but also care for their families.
That being said, with the number of dogs who want to come to my Sanctuary (at least their humans want them to), I don’t accept baby/dog controversy pets. I do send them resources and will send a recent inquirer a link to this blog tonight.

By: BoingyDog

BoingyDog — Sat, 03 Aug 2013 22:57:29 +0000

Thanks for a great post! The only thing in Benedikt’s article that I felt was a mistake was assuming everyone else would have the same experience; that everyone would love their dogs less once they had children. To share her personal experience and let people decide for themselves is one thing, but to outright tell young couples not to get a dog is another.
I completely agree with your post. I had to re-home my first dog because my second dog was really too much for me to handle. My job relocated me to a place where I didn’t have my circle of support, and my 4-year relationship ended which left me with a very busy traveling schedule and no time-support or financial support for two dogs. Nobody would take Kayo – she had such intense behavioral problems. But Lucky was a different story – she was trained, well behaved and very social. The very last thing I wanted to do was send her to another home but I knew I wouldn’t be able to provide both dogs with the best care and rehabilitate Kayo to be a safe dog.
I needed to find Lucky the best home and used everything available to me to do so. I found a home for her with friends that needed a dog like her. It was a perfect match and I still get to see her when I want to and get regular updates about her and pictures.
It’d of course be ideal if everyone had amazing resources and lots of friends potentially willing to take a dog if they could no longer provide them the best care but that just isn’t realistic. I love the idea of being more helpful and it’s something that I’ve done for many friends. It really is very effective!

By: melF

melF — Sat, 03 Aug 2013 16:35:30 +0000

I don’t have a problem with the term “forever home” because it at least invokes a sense of responsibility in the owner. However, I also recognize that sometimes it doesn’t work out. My cousin went through this recently, and I fully supported rehoming her dogs. The difference between the author of the slate article and a responsible dog owner is the responsible dog owner will at least find a better home for their dog, like Jen did.

Dr. V (who I thought had the piece that best represented my feelings on the issue) wrote:

“I have no problem with people who refer to their pets as children/furkids/what have you, as long as they do so with the understanding that their pet is, in fact, not a human child surrogate but an actual animal. Loving your pet like a kid: fine. Expecting your pet to act in proxy for a human until an actual human comes along, then resenting them for not being a human: not ok. And therein lies the difference… If you truly are in a situation where it can’t work; severe allergies or safety issues or the like, do the right thing and find a good home yourself instead of placing the burden on a shelter (in which case it might be the end of the world for your pet).”

By: Pup Fan

Pup Fan — Sat, 03 Aug 2013 14:52:55 +0000

In reply to Pup Fan. And yet, in cutting and pasting, I still didn't fix the typo that I created on my phone yesterday. Geez. *make a choice* not *makes choice*

By: Pup Fan

Pup Fan — Sat, 03 Aug 2013 14:52:05 +0000

Moving my comment over from Facebook (glad you’re back up and running!):

Well said, Pamela. It’s really hard to makes choice that is unpopular, even if it may be the right one in a given situation. When we put in our judgy pants, we sometimes discourage people from doing the right, if difficult, thing in a given situation.

By: themisadventuresofmisaki

themisadventuresofmisaki — Sat, 03 Aug 2013 12:10:00 +0000

I haven’t read the article but I’ve got the general gist from all the comments I’ve read.
And agree with most people have said. Although a pet should be for life, the home the pet has has to be best for them and if it doesn’t work then a solution should be found rather than spiraling into neglect.