Comments on: 11 Steps to Grieving My Dog

By: Jodi

Jodi — Thu, 15 Aug 2013 16:04:23 +0000

I’m dreading the day. But everyone does it different. After we lost Roxanne, I remember the emptiness and the strangeness of getting up and going to bed and not worrying about letting the dog out. I swore as we sat in the Vet’s office that I wouldn’t do it again because my heart couldn’t bear the pain. It took a year, but I got the urge again and Sampson totally changed my life.

When the horrible day comes I will grieve my dog’s loss and I will focus all my attention, energy and love onto the one left behind and make our remaining time together very special.

Some people will immediately go out and get another dog, others will not. It really depends on the individual. (BTW, I’ve been dreading reading this post because I knew I would cry and I did. ) LOL

By: BJ Pup

BJ Pup — Mon, 12 Aug 2013 23:18:26 +0000

In reply to Mike Webster. Thank you for your comforting words. I do believe that a dog will come into my life when I'm supposed to adopt one.

By: Mike Webster

Mike Webster — Mon, 12 Aug 2013 22:54:05 +0000

In reply to BJ Pup.

From the Husband:

Those questions you have. . . I think the right, or the best, answers won’t come until you’re in the process. Once in it, they’ll show themselves when you need them the most.

And, of course, you already know this, and that’s why you turn to BJ whenever the thoughts arise. And that, I think, is absolutely the right and the best answer for now.

By: Kristen

Kristen — Sun, 11 Aug 2013 16:51:29 +0000

My first two dogs are both rescues. Spike, my border collie, is 15 1/2 years old and the past six months have been really difficult. His mobility started to decline after a fall down the stairs, but he, fortunately, does not have any clinical condition other than old age and being fragile. He gets the best care including, once a week physical therapy and laser treatments, in-home acupuncture, in-home massage and plenty of healthy food and homeopathic supplements – and an abundance of love.

Your steps to grieving are very helpful because I think my first experience is not too far in the future with Spike. I have to honestly say I am terrified for when his time comes. I have never been through this before and am so deeply connected to Spike that I’m afraid my heart won’t recover. I will have my 8 year old Aussie to take care of and she is a true delight. She is sensitive and loving and I know she will be devastated to lose her partner in crime. They instantly liked each other and she hates to be alone so I am worried for her. I had no idea when I got my dogs that there would be so much intense pain involved. I rescued Spike when he was 10 so I am always wishing I had more time with him. I am just trying to enjoy every second I have with him and keep him happy. Thank you again for the advice and for all of the follow-up comments as they make me feel less alone in this process.

By: Greyhounds CAN Sit

Greyhounds CAN Sit — Sun, 11 Aug 2013 09:50:47 +0000

For most of my adult life I have had more than one dog at a time. When you lose one you have to keep going because whoever is left can’t look after itself. And you can’t do that if you curl up into a ball and cry for days.

I had another step when I lost a young dog. All my dogs have owned my heart but this dog was my soul as well. He was diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer when he was just 3 years old and I had to have him put to sleep 6 weeks later. And I was damn angry. He was a cross breed, supposedly full of hybrid vigour and health. Mutts are supposed to live to a great old age. The anger, well, I don’t ever want to go back there.

I do miss out a few of your steps because I’ve always had more than one dog, no vacation for a start 🙂

By: Seattle DogSpot

Seattle DogSpot — Sun, 11 Aug 2013 00:07:41 +0000

Thanks so much for posting this. I think you nailed it. I have an almost 12 year old lab so I’ll be going through this soon. This will be a good guideline to remember.

By: Jan K

Jan K — Sat, 10 Aug 2013 22:51:18 +0000

In reply to houndstooth.

“I can honestly say that her death changed me. Something in me has never been the same since she died.” This part of your comment really touched me. That is how I feel about losing our dog Maggie. 9 years later and I still can’t talk about exactly how it did change me. Thank you for saying that.
I keep coming back to this post, and it makes me cry every time. Not to make Pamela feel bad! 🙂

By: Pam

Pam — Sat, 10 Aug 2013 22:50:11 +0000

The dogs I had growing up all passed after I moved out, so while I did grieve for them, it was not the same after having not lived with them for a while.
It’s really hard to talk about our grieving process for LittleBear without also telling his whole story. But I’m not going to do that here, as it would become a (very long) post of its very own. I’m just going to say that he was our “once in a lifetime dog” and leave it at that. He passed in October 2012.
He was an only dog for five of his years with us, but was not an only dog when he passed, so we didn’t have steps 3-8.
We had more of Step 1 than we thought we could stand. I have been with my husband for 12 years (11 at the time) and had never seen him cry. Until LittleBear passed. He cried heavy and hard, just like I did… we both cried seemingly non-stop for the first week, then finally easing up in the following weeks… just having random, but usually at least once-daily jags… the jags gradually lessened as the weeks turned into months. Sometime during the first week, I actually told my husband that I wanted to go be with LittleBear, and that meant exactly what it sounds like. And I meant it, at the time.
Li’l Girl grieved right along with us. Even though LittleBear had been our only dog for quite a long time, they became fast friends after adopting her in Jan 2009 and had a very deep bond of their own. We had no intentions of adopting another very soon, because we wanted to have more time to grieve, but at the same time, we didn’t want Li’l Girl to get too accustomed to being an only dog herself. So a short two months after Bear passed, we adopted Austin.
It has been 10 months now. Our hearts still ache for LittleBear, and I still have crying jags here and there. The house still feel empty without him, despite our other two being here. My husband and I just aren’t the same either. Vi (several above) said it best: “The grief is palpable, a living part of us.”
We find ourselves doing step 10 pretty often, telling Austin about LittleBear… which makes me wonder… does Li’l Girl do the same? She will likely be next, and we are really, really dreading it. Our bond with her is of course different than it was with LittleBear, but still very, very strong. It’s so hard to think about having to go through it all over again. And as our relationship deepens with Austin, more dread for once again. And then likely several more times, as I can’t imagine ever having fewer than two dogs in the house at this point. So hard to accept that keeping dogs in your life means accepting grieving as a routine. But it does. The same for human family. I have already attended more funerals than most people my age, and as the last of nine children, I have many more ahead of me if we pass chronologically. There is no choice but for grieving to become a routine, and I have accepted this for my human family. Why does it seem even harder to accept it for my dogs?
Oh dear, this ended up being much longer (and more depressing) than I meant for it to be.

By: Jan K

Jan K — Sat, 10 Aug 2013 22:41:53 +0000

In reply to Aimee.

I don’t think it matters how it happens….whether you know it’s coming, or whether it’s a sudden shock. There’s no difference, really, it breaks your heart no matter how it goes down.

By: Kimberly Gauthier

Kimberly Gauthier — Sat, 10 Aug 2013 22:31:09 +0000

Thanks for the tears! I knew I shouldn’t have clicked on this one, but I couldn’t help myself. I went through the first few steps over and over and over when we lost our puppy last year. Today, I’m always talking about Riley and I was just able to start watching videos of her a few months ago. The pain was unbelievable – I have never felt it before and I know that I’ll feel it again and again. It won’t stop me from adopting. I welcome the pain knowing that I’m saying goodbye to a beautiful soul who will be waiting for me someday. But damn it’s so freakin’ hard!!!!