When I want to laugh, cry, or throw up a little in my mouth, I scan my blog stats to see what searches brought people to Something Wagging This Way Comes. Do you know what I find?
People ask Google weird things about dogs.
Looking For Answers About Dogs
When I adopted my first dogs in 1991, it was much harder to find answers to my questions.
The World Wide Web was brand new. When I looked online for information, I check usenet sites and online forums (okay, fora but doesn’t that look stupid?).
Now we can type a search in plain English (or not) and get a list of millions of places we might find the answer.
Here are a few search phrases that brought people to my site.
Search Phrases That Make Me Sad
Some search terms just break my heart:
“Four years later I’m still grieving my dog”
“My dog died and I can’t stop crying”
“My dog is grieving over death of my husband – what do I do”
If their search sent them to 11 Steps to Grieving My Dog or The One Way All Dog Lovers Are The Same, I hope they found some comfort. And that they find a way through their grief (or their dog’s grief) so they can open their hearts again to love.
Search Phrases That Made Me Snark
I try to hide my snarky side. But sometimes it just slips out.
“What kind of dog won’t potty in the house” — Er, the kind of dog you train not to potty in the house?
“How often should a 14 pound puppy urinate” — As often as it takes until you wise up and take him outside after every meal, nap, and play time so he can pee where he’s supposed to.
“How can I make my dog stop flinching when I pat his head” — Well, you could pet him somewhere he enjoys?
Search Phrases That Made Me Laugh
Some search phrases make me blow milk out my nose when I read them.
“Ever since we got a dog we have way less sex”
“Little dog pees on the big dog”
“How can I make money from my dog” (If you find out, you tell me.)
“Why does my dog greet me with his butt”
“My golden retriever is an asshole”
Thanks for the laughs folks.
I don’t have any answers for you. Except maybe the first one. Check out The Dog Lover’s Guide To Great Sex which compiles the best S’Wagger suggestions for romance with fuzzy butts in the house.
Search Phrases From My Tribe
Sometimes I read a search phrase and I feel less alone.
“I hate puppies” — Sure, they’re adorable. But they’re also obnoxious.
“How to know what your dog’s super power is” — I thought I was the only person who wanted to know this.
“Is it bad to want to spend all your time with your pet” — If it’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.
Search Phrases That Make Me Want To Pluck Out My Eyes
This is the internet. Which mean things get a little gross as well as a little weird.
I’ll leave you with a tame one:
“Naked men having fun with naked dogs”
Yeah, I know.
Dog Lovers Are Weird
Dog lovers are weird. And I have the search term information to prove it.
But you know what? Weird dog lovers are my tribe. And I bet they’re your tribe too.
At least that’s what I discovered when I wrote 12 Weird Things Dog Lovers Do (that freak normal people out).
So keep asking Google your weird dog questions. And keep giving me weird things to write about.
Your Turn: What the weirdest thing you ever asked Google about dogs?