Weird Things People Ask Google About Dogs

When I want to laugh, cry, or throw up a little in my mouth, I scan my blog stats to see what searches brought people to Something Wagging This Way Comes. Do you know what I find?

People ask Google weird things about dogs.

Honey the golden retriever in a tree.

Do I really want to know the weird things people ask about dogs?

Looking For Answers About Dogs

When I adopted my first dogs in 1991, it was much harder to find answers to my questions.

The World Wide Web was brand new. When I looked online for information, I check usenet sites and online forums (okay, fora but doesn’t that look stupid?).

Now we can type a search in plain English (or not) and get a list of millions of places we might find the answer.

Here are a few search phrases that brought people to my site.

Honey the golden retriever puts her head on my leg.

Don’t you worry about me ever leaving you. I’m glued to your leg. At least until I smell cookies.

Search Phrases That Make Me Sad

Some search terms just break my heart:

“Four years later I’m still grieving my dog”

“My dog died and I can’t stop crying”

“My dog is grieving over death of my husband – what do I do”

If their search sent them to 11 Steps to Grieving My Dog or The One Way All Dog Lovers Are The Same, I hope they found some comfort. And that they find a way through their grief (or their dog’s grief) so they can open their hearts again to love.

Search Phrases That Made Me Snark

I try to hide my snarky side. But sometimes it just slips out.

“What kind of dog won’t potty in the house” — Er, the kind of dog you train not to potty in the house?

“How often should a 14 pound puppy urinate” — As often as it takes until you wise up and take him outside after every meal, nap, and play time so he can pee where he’s supposed to.

“How can I make my dog stop flinching when I pat his head” — Well, you could pet him somewhere he enjoys?

Hopefully they got help from my snark-free posts, I Curse Your Dr. Ian Dunbar (on errorless house training) and 3 Reasons A Dog Will Flinch Without Being Abused.

Honey the golden retriever sleeping.

I want to know how you can keep someone from waking you up with their camera when you’re napping.

Search Phrases That Made Me Laugh

Some search phrases make me blow milk out my nose when I read them.

“Ever since we got a dog we have way less sex”

“Little dog pees on the big dog”

“How can I make money from my dog” (If you find out, you tell me.)

“Why does my dog greet me with his butt”

“My golden retriever is an asshole”

Thanks for the laughs folks.

I don’t have any answers for you. Except maybe the first one. Check out The Dog Lover’s Guide To Great Sex which compiles the best S’Wagger suggestions for romance with fuzzy butts in the house.

Honey the golden retriever after a bath.

Why are you taking pictures of me after a bath? Do you want people to laugh at me?

Search Phrases From My Tribe

Sometimes I read a search phrase and I feel less alone.

“I hate puppies” — Sure, they’re adorable. But they’re also obnoxious.

“How to know what your dog’s super power is” — I thought I was the only person who wanted to know this.

“Is it bad to want to spend all your time with your pet” — If it’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Heck, these folks are my twins since I wrote pieces called I Hate Puppies and What Are Your Dog’s Super Powers?

Honey the golden retriever lies down.

There’s nothing weirder than a dog lover who takes pictures of her dog everywhere she goes.

Search Phrases That Make Me Want To Pluck Out My Eyes

This is the internet. Which mean things get a little gross as well as a little weird.

I’ll leave you with a tame one:

“Naked men having fun with naked dogs”

Yeah, I know.

Dog Lovers Are Weird

Dog lovers are weird. And I have the search term information to prove it.

But you know what? Weird dog lovers are my tribe. And I bet they’re your tribe too.

At least that’s what I discovered when I wrote 12 Weird Things Dog Lovers Do (that freak normal people out).

So keep asking Google your weird dog questions. And keep giving me weird things to write about.

Your Turn: What the weirdest thing you ever asked Google about dogs?

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Comments

  1. Sheesh, that’s a hard one. When Torrey was about 6 months she started leaking urine when she was sound asleep. She would wake up and there would be a big puddle. So I googled it. Thankfully, there was an answer, and even a solution.

  2. I’m such a know-it-all, I never google dog stuff. LOL! Just kidding. I doubt my stuff has been all that weird though. Most likely illness/health related.

  3. Google is a great source of information AND entertainment, that is for sure!

  4. Who knew that a selection of google search queries could offer such a wide range of emotions and feelings, from happy/sad to completely creeped out? Thanks for sharing.

  5. Oh gosh, there is a huge range of weird dog questions for which I’ve turned to the internet for answers! Feels like I have a weird dog question every day. Fortunately, there are other dog weirdos out there who have asked–and answered–the same things, usually many times over.

  6. Those are hilarious! Most of them, anyways!

  7. I have to ask “Naked men having fun with naked dogs” WTF is a naked dog? We tell Mity he is naked when we take his collar off (when he doesn’t want to put his collar on before his morning walk we point out nakey pups are not allowed outside, but I thought this was a unique family thing?!!

  8. Oh I’m sure some of those questions you mentioned were mine! LOL

  9. I can’t stop laughing! Too, too funny! The weirdest thing I’ve asked Google… well, with Cooper’s allergy/stomach issues lately, I’ve been googling a lot of weirdly specific questions regarding poop…