Tennyson Obviously Didn’t Have a Dog

Golden Retriever puppy

You used to think I was cute in the spring. Now you just sigh all the time.

It’s freaking cold. But my blueberry bushes have buds and my tulips are four inches out of the ground. It must be spring.

What does spring mean?

Alfred Lord Tennyson said that “in spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.” It’s not what my thoughts turn to. I’m already drowning in dog hair.

Time to come up with more creative uses for the stuff. What about these?

1. Turning all my black clothing into gold. No one would ever know what color it started out as.

2. Preventing breakage. At this point, any glass that drops on the floor would be softly cushioned.

3. Readily available bookmarks. Save your book’s spine; just reach for a clump of that fuzz sitting on your sofa.

4. Earplugs. Complaining kids? Loud neighbors? Dog hair conforms to your ear canal preventing any sound from getting through.

5. Clean up greasy spills. That frying pan full of hamburger grease is no problem when you have mats of hair to absorb it.

6. Fill plaster holes. Hey, in the old days they used horse hair in plaster.

7. Breast enhancement. Why spend thousands of dollars and months healing when you can fill your bra to create any size and shape you want?

8. Costumes. Beards, fake mustaches, toupee, even fur cuffs are easy with some help from your fuzzy best friend. Anyone remember Raquel Welch’s fur bikini from One Million Years B.C?

9. Confetti. If you think people get pissed off when you mail tiny pieces of glittery confetti to them, just think how relieved they’ll be when you only send dog hair.

10. Make a new dog. I’d love another dog. But it’s just not the time. Maybe I can sculpt a little friend for Honey?

Anyone else seeing their dogs start to shed? What creative uses do you have for all the stuff?

 

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Comments

  1. not quite as hilarious as your ideas (my favourite is definitely costumes 😛 ), but I’ve heard that if you put the fur in an onion bag (one fo those plastic mesh bags), and hang it somewhere, birds will use the fur for their nests.

  2. That shit itches in your bra! Sampson’s hair is the perfect color for the flesh tone bra, and it about drives me mad!

    But as for usefulness, well you can always fluff up their dog beds or make a dog fur comforter. I know the down filled ones are quite warm. :-)

  3. Hahahaha! I know exactly what you mean. Shiva sheds the same amount all year round so it makes no difference on the time of year. But my cat… He must have at least four layers of fur and he is currently shedding three of them all over my carpet. I love how thick and fuzzy his fur gets in the winter but this springtime shed kills me every single year. I keep saying I should learn how to spin so I can turn his fur into wool and make mittens.

    Although you may be on to something with the bra stuffing idea… 😉

  4. OMDog! Do Great Pyrs shed?! AAUGH! Hounds shed all the time but I rarely have double coated dogs who extremely shed. LOVE the dog fur comforter idea. I’ll be happy to send dog hair to s certain politician who thinks his dog is comfortable on top of a car for 12 hours….no names, please. OH and I once saw somewhere on the Net about making dogs out of dog hair – really – I’m not crafty so I passed…had only I known.

  5. I’ve considered trying to make another dog out of all of Bella’s extra hair… though the tumbleweeds rolling across the floor do give the house a nice “deserted Western town” kind of charm.

  6. I think the flying fur is worse this year due to pretty much no winter! I will agree with Jodi about how itchy it is getting hair in your bra. Not that I’ve tried your suggestion. I used to groom and it was amazing where fur would get to. I’m not as creative. I just leave it outside for the birds. Someone may as well enjoy it.

  7. You NEED to see this! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWa3IkLZLOk I laugh every time I see it! Just make sure you watch to the end.

    You could make little felted art dogs and sell them on etsy. Save the hair in a big bag until the next big oil spill. They really do use hair to absorb the oil! I bet there are people somewhere who could knit sweaters for those poor hairless dogs out of it, too!

  8. Ha! Now I know what I can use to get my boobs back! and to think it’s been here all this time and lots of it!! I knew I was saving all that dog hair for something!

  9. Koly sheds pretty much 24/7/365, so I haven’t noticed a real upswing. I am single-handedly keeping the lint roller people in business. I like to use Kol’s extra hair as kind of a natural “bump it”. I all too frequently find tufts of his hair all stuck up in mine. **sigh**

  10. I have to admit to doing #3 a couple of times.

    Shiloh sheds year round but usually does a major coat blowing in Feb. This year we had a mild winter and he didn’t get his normal thick fluffy coat, so I’m not getting gobs of hair off of him now, just mostly his normal shedding, which is plenty. Usually this time of year when his undercoat is shedding, he looks like a stuffed animal that’s losing its stuffing. lol

    I save Shiloh’s hair. VIP Fibers makes lots of cool things from dog hair. I’m saving Shiloh’s hair until I have enough for a blanket or scarf.

  11. We try to have only black animals in the house since I wear a lot of black! (actually, we somehow just ended up with mostly black animals!) Little Miss Ashley does throw a big wrench in the mix . .her white hair shows up EVERYWHERE! I’ve given up . . .thinking about making a rug out of it 😉

  12. Haha! I reckon you could use it under the feet of chairs and tables to stop them scratching the floor. I’ve often considered knitting another cat with the amount of fur Fergus sheds. If only I could be bothered!

  13. Well, when Rufus was around, we kept his fur for a whole year thinking we’d send it to this lady in Melbourne who apparently knits stuff out of malamute fur. Along the way, we lost interest but I do sometimes wish we’d persevered. It’d be neat to have some Rufus beanies now.

  14. That’s so awesome. I generally put it outside for the birdies to nest in as Lexy suggested. But my mom, whose dog Dizzy is a Bergamasco who sheds whole dreadlocks at a time, likes to use them for mustaches. The possibilities are endless!

  15. I think I will give this a try in spring at the farmers’ market – organic bookmarks made of dog hair.

  16. I don’t know if this is true or not but a friend told me to bury the hair in my garden spot and it will fertilize the ground as it decays.

  17. Best use I know of for dog hair is bird nests. I wait for a sunny day, then toss the dog hair out into the yard. The birds come by, pick it up, and use it for their nests!