Tell Your Dog To Keep It In His Pants – An Anti-Humping Rant

It starts with a look.

Then the dog puts his muzzle over Honey’s shoulder in a date-rapey “C’mon girl, you know you want it” gesture.

And if Honey or I don’t act to stop it, the dog soon starts to mount her.

I just want to know why the humans don’t tell their dog to keep it in his pants.

Honey wonders why people don't tell their dogs to keep in in their pants.

I want to know the same thing.

Dogs Will Be Dogs

I know humping is normal dog behavior. I’m not embarrassed by it.

Dogs will hump when they’re excited. It probably just feels good.

In truth, Honey likes to hump her polar bear after she’s enjoyed a delicious dinner or had a fun play time off the boat.

She doesn’t hump anyone who doesn’t want to be humped. The stuffed polar bear has made no objections so far.

Honey the golden retriever makes her stuffed bear first mate.

Bear, you put up with a lot. I’m glad we’re still friends.

As much as she enjoys rogering the bear, my dog doesn’t like being mounted. And when someone does something to you and doesn’t listen when you tell them to stop, that’s rude.

And it’s particularly rude when it happens in the first ten minutes of meeting.

Do I Know YOUR Dog Better Than YOU Do

As Honey and I came around the corner, we saw a man with a big, off-leash dog.

It was obvious the dog was older and pretty mellow. I didn’t have any misgivings about Honey meeting him except that it was in a crowded area.

There’s nothing that will make a dog greeting uncomfortable faster than when one dog can’t get away from another one.

So I unclipped Honey’s leash to give her more maneuvering room.

The other dog, male, sniffed politely. He even did a nice play bow.

But then he came around from the side and put his muzzle over Honey’s withers.

I watched Honey’s body stiffen as she gave a side-eye to the dog for this rude behavior. I saw the other dog slightly shift his body weight and lift a paw.

The other dog was getting ready to mount Honey.

Since the dog’s person wasn’t reacting, I said, “Honey won’t be happy if your dog tries to hump her.”

He laughed and said, “He’s fixed. It won’t hurt anything.”

I eased my body in between Honey and the other dog and scratched him under the chin. He responded with a nice play bow to Honey and then went in for a second attempt.

Now it was obvious that the dog was rude and his person was clueless. So I called Honey to my side, told the person I had to feed her, and walked off.

My husband stayed behind to distract the dog so he wouldn’t follow me and Honey for a third attempt.

I just wish that man with a perfectly nice, but excitable and rude dog, would teach him to keep it in his fuzzy pants.

Honey tells dock dog Moose to keep it in his pants.

I’ll come out to play. But you better not hump me.

Humping Between Friends

My biggest issue with humping is Honey’s discomfort.

Honey’s favorite boyfriend, Mr. Handsome, a chocolate Lab who stayed with us for a while, got away with behavior that would start a fight from any other dog.

Honey won’t just stand still and let him hump her. But because they know each other well and have many hours of comfortable play time together, Honey is more tolerant. She’ll move away. Or just wait for him to calm down or for his person or me to intervene.

Honey the golden retriever plays tug with chocolate lab Mr. Handsome.

I’d much rather you play tug than hump me, Mr. Handsome.

There are things you’ll put up with from friends and family that you’d never accept from a stranger.

Ask a pregnant woman who has ever had her belly groped in a supermarket line. Or anyone who suddenly found a stranger’s arm on their armrest on a crowded airplane.

But Honey won’t sit patiently for long while a dog she’s just met tries to mount her. And if her body language doesn’t tell him to clear off, she’ll move to a growl, and finally to one of those nasty looking scraps where teeth flash but don’t make contact and everything looks and sounds horrible to the humans watching.

It all could be avoided if the dog would just keep his junk to himself.

Stopping Other Dogs From Humping Your Dog

I looked for advice on dealing with other dogs trying to hump mine.

There are the expected smutty jokes. And several serious discussions that move into how to teach your dog not to hump other dogs.

But there’s little advice on how to keep your dog from being humped other than to pay attention to his or her discomfort and remove them from a rude situation.

Which I’ll continue to do.

But I wish there was some easy way to tell clueless people to train their rude dogs to just keep it in their pants.

Humping rant - tell your dog to keep it in his pants.

Want to know how to be sure you’ll never get humped at the dog park? Hang out with the stone dog at the entrance.

Your Turn: Have you had to deal with humping—with your dog as a humper or humpee? What did you do?

 

 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Comments

  1. I haven’t had to deal with it from other dogs, but Luke is a humper. However, he does not hump other dogs, not even his sisters, he prefers humans! Particularly me and my sister. I know it’s just out of excitement and wanting to play and get attention; but I certainly don’t let it go on! My sister doesn’t get upset or anything, but I sure wouldn’t stand there and just watch it happen and laugh! Usually Luke has to be physically removed, or a firm “NO” can also work. I would never let him do it to another dog either, if he was even allowed to run loose he’d be put on a leash if that’s what was needed. I don’t understand why some people are so clueless. I’d hate for that guy to have to learn the hard way, when the day comes that his dog humps the wrong other dog.

  2. I get foster dogs, so I don’t let my two do it to a dog that’s already probably feeling outnumbered and overwhelmed. I have always prevented them from doing it, so they just don’t. Lots of dogs have back problems that are not apparent, and they don’t deserve the pain that could result. My two girls are an intact mother and daughter, and the mother tends to be quite protective of herself, so that chin over her shoulder is enough to start something. It’s simply not appropriate behavior when two dogs have just met. I protect my dogs pretty much the same way you did. And I stay away from dog parks!

  3. Sally was like Honey and had a “special” relationship with here stuffed bear. Both Tino and Jack have tried humping – Tino more than Jack – I think Jack’s too old now to care much. Tino would only do it on occasion and I think only with dogs – male or female – who didn’t recognize his obvious superiority to them. I didn’t allow him to do it, so he soon grew tired of it. The most surprising was one day – he must have been 11 or so, already blind and we met up with two yellow Labs running free in the neighborhood. Tino tried to mount the male…who was probably 20lbs heavier and 5 years younger…

  4. Leroy is totally a rude, excitable humper.His victims are mostly Sherman and I but when he was younger he liked to single out kids which we quickly nipped in the bud. I’ve never seen him do it to another dog besides Sherman though.

  5. No humping, or humpee-ing. (new word there) But I can see were that would be a problem with such a mellow dog like Honey. Torrey has the same disposition so she wouldn’t be happy either. Roxy will give any dog that sniffs her butt a snark and a snarl.

  6. Confession time: Ruby humps her sister. She seems to do when she is overexcited or as a last ditch attempt to get Boca’s attention. Boca used to grump at her but now she benignly tolerates it.

  7. That’s not how B rolls. But remember foster puppy Linus? He would hump her head while she was lying down chewing a stick. She’d just continue to chew. She was terribly patient with him. I was the one that would peel him off her head. He was much more polite after his Linus-berries were removed. I remember my first large lab mix foster dog and in the initial stages of her settling in she would hump…me. She was over 100 pounds. After work and after feeding her, I would walk with my dinner into the living room, happily talking to her and as soon as I was getting ready to sit down she would proceed to attack from behind. Somehow, I managed to balance my plate whilst being assaulted. She did that to me a few times before I started putting the dog door cover on and keeping her outside while I ate or sadly, while I left her in the house and ate in my closet. Yeah, it was like that. I called the rescue for advice and they told me she was basically treating me like her own personal toy after a long day of being alone at the house. They recommended yelling at her firmly – which did nothing but increase the tempo of the humping. I finally helped myself by reading a positive training book that told me to simply turn my back to her and not make eye contact and let out a couple of sighs until she went to lie down. Somehow, that worked and after that, I was able to eat without incident. It’s hard to imagine Honey getting irritated – she is just so sweet looking.

  8. Wilson met his BFF as a young dog. The dog met him and immediately started vigorously humping WIlson. Wilson would just lie down and make it impossible. Despite the rude 1st meeting, those two dogs became lifelong friends. Mousse passed this year. Only the aches and pains of old age stopped his chronic humping habit. He was a lab. Based on other lab experience s, I think it comes with the territory.

  9. Unfortunately, I don’t have any advice for you. I think you and Mike handled it well. If it had been me, alone, with Callie and Shadow, I probably would have told the guy to put the [damn] leash on his dog so he could control him; and told him hurt anything or not, it’s just plain rude to allow your dog to do something my dog doesn’t like. Then turned and walked away. If he continued following us, I’d pull the phone out and call 911 and report him and his dog to the police.

    Now, that said, when Callie and Shadow were our only 2 dogs they humped each other a lot in playfulness. And, when one had enough she let the other know and they went back to chasing each other or playing tug with a toy. And when Ducky joined the family, she humped Callie in the craziest places. But Callie tolerated it all but one time. That one time she turned her head up and slightly around and growled AND snapped at Ducky. Ducky was so surprised that she jumped back and left Callie alone the rest of the night. Now that Callie’s in Heaven, Ducky humps Shadow once in a while, but like Callie, Shadow pretty much ignores her.

  10. LOL I love this talk! That man however, was just plain rude.

    Since we adopted a girly dog over the summer, my Titan (who’s fixed), constantly wants to hump her. However, my girly Zue will take her head and nudge under Titan’s chest in an attempt to “egg” him on. Then when he goes to mount, I snatch him and she will nip him and tell him to back off. Being she was a breeder girl, I think she may miss the intimacy. LOL However none of that mess will be happening in my home. Dogs will be dogs. Heck, Titan tries it with me at times!

    Great info. People should respect other people’s dogs and no humping or mounting should be allowed imo.

    Thanks for sharing!

  11. Sheesh…such rude dog behavior. It can be an indication of excitement or even lack of socialization. Either way it’s bad manners.
    Ziva will not tolerate it, and she’ll take a bite out of another dog if it comes down to that – so i’m very careful to manage her playmates.
    Dante doesn’t like it either, but he does get overstimulated and has tried it before. We give him a timeout to calm down if he reaches this point.

  12. My dogs absolutely hate humping and they don’t allow other dogs to do it. The problem with the guy who thought his dog was fixed at that it’s not big deal is that it actually is a huge deal. Even though dogs are fixed, they can still mate and get locked together. When that happens the male can get very badly injured if the dogs were to be startled and the female is ripped away. It’s just not cool and it’s dangerous. I wish people would be more proactive about stopping their dogs from doing it. Instead they make us out to be the bad guys when we don’t want their dogs to do it to ours. 🙁

  13. This may sound like a porno movie title – but…. when they get excited my boys hump each other! #allinthefamily 🙂 Since it’s the two of them – neither one of them get annoyed. I’ve never seen another dog try to hump one of mine – I’m thinking it wouldn’t go over too well.

  14. I had to laugh at this, even though I totally agree! Honestly, it scares me when strange dogs try to hump mine – it’s usually a dog much, much larger than they are! Nola does not accept being humped. She’s quick to correct it, and that can lead to a mess if it’d continue. Ugh.

  15. Yes, Scarlett and Kori do this every evening after dinner. It’s a celebration, and they take turns. It’s odd, but since neither seem to mind, we gave up trying to intervene.

  16. Your post is somewhat sexist. Female dogs, even one who have been spayed will hump other dogs. It is a power thing, not a sexual thing. Some will hump male dogs, other female dogs, cats, pillows, legs…

    • Humping isn’t about dominance or power. More often than not, it’s a displacement behaviour for a dog who got too excited or anxious and didn’t know what else to do. Occasionally they do it just because it feels good, but then it’s usually directed at stuffed toys or pillows.

  17. One of the many reasons we don’t go to the dog park is because Rodrigo is a chronic humper and I’m constantly keeping my eye on him. He knows the tone I use when I want him to stop and he listens, but in a huge field, it’s impossible to control him and I know it would piss me off if someone let their dog hump around, so I stay away.

  18. Wow, that’s so rude of the guy to just stand back and let it happen.

    Humping is rude doggy behaviour. Even for dogs who know each other, it’s not a very nice or polite thing to do. So you shouldn’t even have to say anything, other people should just get in there and stop their dog from humping, without being asked.

    At the very least they should get in there and stop the behaviour when asked by the other owner. Some people are just clueless. If their dog humps the wrong dog, they could have a serious fight on their hands.

  19. Sadly, Sam has been on both sides of the hump (eek, that’s so embarrassing to admit!) but I’m with you, I always intervene when he’s the humper and definitely if he’s the victim. We don’t suffer that kind of behavior lightly. 😉 Kudos to Honey for being so sweet about it.

  20. OMG Delilah sometimes humps when she’s excited. We were at playgroup and there was one dog she kept going after, over and over again. We kept trying to redirect her and it would work for a few minutes and then she’d go right back at it.

    Hubby was getting pissed and he redirected her a little too forcefully and I lost my shit and we left playgroup. Which is the biggest reason we don’t go to play group anymore.

  21. Yes, this does happen sometimes when we meet another large dog (the small ones can’t reach). I immediately sit so that they slide off. My bipeds ask the other dog’s people to keep their dog away and try to keep between us. If the dog keeps trying, I will growl.