Should I Be Worried About My Husband?

Dear S’Waggers,

When I read advice columns in the newspaper, I wonder what drives someone to write to a stranger for advice. But now I find myself tempted to do the same.

Except I’m not reaching out to strangers. I’m reaching out to you, my S’Wagger friends. Should I be worried about my husband?

Honey the golden retriever on bed.

Let me lay out the facts.

I’ve noticed an increasing number of blonde hairs on the bed. But now they’re showing up on the pillow cases too.

In the middle of the night, I feel strange movements. And the bed is getting more crowded.

We used to have a nightly routine. My husband and I would go to bed early and read for a little while. Honey, my golden retriever, would settle in at the foot of the bed until we were ready to turn the lights out. Then my husband would give her a treat and send her to sleep in her crate to help me sleep through the night, uninterrupted by kidney punches and floofies up my nose.

But something has changed.

Honey the golden retriever sleeps on the bed.

Sorry, no room in the bed for you, woman.

The other morning I woke up, looked over, and saw a big fuzzy head with floppy ears on my husband’s pillow. My hubby was sleeping a foot lower on the bed. He said he was worried that Honey minded the fireworks. And he didn’t want to move her around and risk waking me up. But I don’t know.

The past two nights, when he finished reading, my husband just went to sleep. No treat for Honey. No trip to the crate.

I’m beginning to wonder if he thinks I should sleep in the crate to make more room for Honey to stretch out on the bed.

If he starts coaxing me in that direction with a cookie, I guess I’ll have my answer.

Besides Honey taking my space on the bed, I’ve also caught her in compromising positions with my husband. It looks like love to me. And I don’t think I have a chance of getting in between.

Honey the golden retriever in a compromising position.

What do you mean by compromising position? How else do you expect me to get the perfect butt scratchies?

I certainly can’t compete. Not with those long, golden locks and legs (four of them!) that don’t quit.

Honey the golden retriever plays.

When was the last time the hubby scratched your jowls? Jealous?

So what do you think? Should I be worried about my husband? Is it time for me to move my favorite pillow into the crate? Or should I just share him without complaining while knowing that someday he’ll return to his first love when he needs someone with opposable thumbs?

I’m counting on you, S’Waggers. Let me know what I should do.


Displaced by the Dog

Honey the golden retriever closeup.

Yeah, you don’t have a chance. Have you seen me?


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  1. Mike Webster says:

    From the Husband,
    to my beautiful Wife:
    Hey, baby, if you want to get down on all fours between my legs, I’ll scratch your butt, too.

  2. Margaret T says:

    Buy a bigger bed, king sized if it will fit in your bedroom.

    • You must be a marriage counselor in real life, Margaret! :)

      Actually, when we moved up to the Queen sized bed we barely got it up the stairs.

      • Margaret T says:

        No, but I bought a queen-sized bed so there would be enough room for the dogs and me!

      • Could you ft a second queen in there? LOL, that is my dream bed, two Queens, pushed together, with a custom memory foam topper so you can’t feel the split.

        Does Honey steal the covers too like Kol? Or hog the good fan spot like Fe??

  3. Stephanie S. says:

    I agree, I know of more than one person who has gotten a king sized bed because of that.

  4. I think Mike’s comment says it all…

  5. I’d at least get an Ex-pen. It’s a little roomier in there.

  6. LOL.. I think you’re safe Pamela. You are the REAL woman of the house. LOL

  7. I was going to make the king size bed suggestion as well. Too bad it won’t fit.

    We have a queen size, but 2 people and 2 dogs is 2 much! I can often be found sleeping deeply in the guest bedroom 😉

  8. We are actually looking to buy a king sized bed because we have a similar issue!

  9. We bought a bigger bed. If you go with a king (providing it fits) you buy the frame, then two twin size box springs and the king mattress.

    Although, I imagine the bed on a boat is smaller? What will you do then?

  10. Ha! Cute post! Love the compromising position photo. If you’re worried, I should definitely be worried too. The hubs is always trying to wheedle kisses out of pretty little Rita!

    We also bought a king – but because he loves a hard mattress and I love a soft one, we have two twins together in our king frame now. And Rita hates my soft mattress, so they cram together on the one twin – and I’m perfectly happy to sleep alone on my twin!

  11. Ahahahaha!! I have no advice – allow the pillow in the crate might drive your point home. 😉

    P.S. – A king sized bed won’t help much. It is just me and Blueberry and she barely allows me 20% of the bed. Just sayin…

  12. Oh boy, I smell some jealousy brewing. I don’t have any advice. Bailie sleeps with Mom and usually kicks her in the face with her back paws during the night. Mom tried to get me in the bed, but I prefer my own bed on the floor. Maybe both “honeys” will tire of the arrangement?

  13. LOL aww. I say get a bigger bed…if there’s no room for you in the next bed…they are definitely kicking you out of it! Uh oh…

  14. Maybe point out to hubby that you paid a lot of money for the crate and if Honey isn’t going to sleep in it maybe he would like to try it for size ;0)

    (yep, still hating on all men for the rest of eternity!)

    • Mike Webster says:

      From the Husband:
      Lauranne, I could never fall asleep in the crate. Too roomy.

  15. :0) perhaps ask Pamela to join you?! There we go, situation resolved. Honey has the bed you too cozy up in the crate!!

  16. Funny. I’ll add to the votes for a king-sized bed, but I understand the dilemma. I’m pretty sure all of us loved Lilly more than we love the others in the house. ;o)

  17. 😀 How could anyone NOT fall in love with Honey? The day my husband lets our dogs sleep on the bed is the day I might actually believe I’ve gone crazy.

  18. I can not get a queen set up the stairs in my house. I did get a king size upstairs.
    A king size bed is actually easier to get into a tight spot than a queen. The foundation is two twin size. The kink mattress will fold in half (sort of) and fit up the stairs easier.

    I would let my husband feed me cookies and scratch my butt.

  19. I was going to leave a better comment, but then I read Mike’s comment and couldn’t stop laughing. So, there’s that… :)

  20. Sounds like a case of “husband goes to the dog”. A bigger bed is probably the best idea.