I’ve talked to people considering getting a dog. They wonder if they have enough time to care for a dog. Or money. Or even if they want the responsibility.
But when I think about all the practical uses for a dog, I ask: “Can you afford not to have a dog around the house?”
Uses for a Dog Around the House
Paperweight – no worries about your papers flying around with the windows open. One dog butt should keep everything exactly where you put it.
Bathroom vent – why waste electricity on a bathroom fan when your dog is there to force the door open when you’re showering or, you know.
Doorbell – you failed to hear the UPS driver dropping something on your porch? Your dogs didn’t.
Pillow – get comfy reading in bed or watching television. Your dog’s got your back. Or your head. Or your feet.
Recycling sorter – you wouldn’t want that plastic peanut butter jar or yogurt cup to go to the recycling center with a smidgen of food in the bottom, would you? Your dog will make sure it never happens.
Exercise weights – Lifting just one sleeping dog off your side of the bed will keep you fit and strong. Lifting two or three will prepare you for athletic competitions.
The quicker picker upper – There isn’t a paper towel in the world that works as fast as a dog when you spill something yummy.
Uses for Dogs in the Car
Sun screen creator – the sun’s harsh rays will never penetrate the thick application of dog snot and tongue juice on your windows, keeping your car cooler longer.
Deep cleaner – no fast food french fry will escape a dog’s nose, no matter how deep it’s buried in the seat.
Anti-theft device – remember how little time it took for car owner’s to learn to ignore their anti-theft alarms? Just try blocking out the bark of a shepherd mix or a pair of dachshunds.
Seat cover manufacturer – Tired of the black upholstery that soaks up the heat? Get a golden retriever. A few rides in the car with a shedding dog will ensure the original seat covers are thoroughly disguised.
Lookout – No squirrel will escape the vigilance of your personal car guard.
Uses for Dogs in the World
Finder – Never wonder again what happened to that cookie that dropped out of your pocket when you reached for your keys.
Personal trainer – With only one thing leash, your dog will motivate you to walk more than you ever have before.
Corpse finder – Please tell me I’m not the only one who apprehensively follows my dog when she’s on the trail of an interesting smell because it’s always the dog walkers who find the dead bodies in the news stories.
Dude (or Chick) magnet – After all, why would you want to attract anyone who didn’t ooh and aah at a cute dog?
The #1 Best Use for a Dog
Best friend – They don’t judge. They stay by your side (especially when you smell like hot dogs). And there are very few people I enjoy spending time with as much as my own sweet pup.
Your Turn: What creative uses have you found for your dog?
Something Wagging News
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