Kids Are Better Than Dogs

Nearly a year ago, I wrote a post that claims dogs are better than kids.

I still find it funny. Especially the comments.

But I feel bad for not giving kids equal time. Today is the day I tell you why kids are better than dogs.

Honey the golden retriever puppy bites the hand that feeds her.

My people swore that kids were better because they didn’t have shark teeth at two months old.

15 Reasons Kids Are Better Than Dogs

When kids get pissy at strangers, you can make them apologize instead of having to do it for them.

Your kids will (hopefully) take care of you when you get old. But if your teenager starts reminding you that she’ll be the one picking your nursing home, be afraid. Be very afraid.

Honey the golden retriever puppy goes to work.

I’d pick a nursing home for you that had lots of Nylabones.

If your kid gets projectile diarrhea, at least he’s wearing a diaper.

When your kids get old enough, you can share clothes.

Kids give you a great excuse for reading Little House on the Prairie and Harry Potter.

Honey likes to read in bed.

If you read me Harry Potter, I bet I’d still be awake.

When you have kids, you can raid their halloween candy. And sample their chocolate Easter bunny. And nosh on their Hanukkah gelt. I think you get the picture.

You’ll never watch your kid take a dump in the middle of a big athletic competition in front of thousands of people the way this dog did on the agility course at Crufts.

On a long car trip, you’ll have someone to play the license plate game with.

Because of your kids, you’ll refresh your knowledge of state capitals, long division, and beginning Spanish.

Once your kids are potty trained, you’ll never have to touch their poop again.

Golden Retriever on a walk

He’s so dramatic!

When it’s cold, kids can put their own coats on.

If your kids play baseball in the yard they won’t run away with the ball.

Your kid won’t make you go outside in sub-zero temperatures just because he has to pee.

Kids might possibly clean up their own rooms. Well, okay. That’s a reach. But I had to match my “dogs are better than kids” list of 15.

You’ll enjoy sweet payback when your kids have kids and experience all the grief, frustration, oh yeah, and joy, that you did raising them.

Honey the golden retriever enjoys sailing.

What’s with all the boats? Are you raising me to be a pirate?

Kids And Dogs Give Lots Of Love

Whether you choose to have kids or not, or even if the choice is made for you, you can’t go wrong by sharing your love with tiny creatures, human and canine.

Now let’s stop arguing about whether kids or dogs are better and get back to raising them all to be happy and comfortable in this weird and unpredictable world.

Your Turn: Both these lists are way too short. Can you add to the list of why kids are better than dogs. Or why dogs are better than kids?

 

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Comments

  1. Ha ha ha! Well, as someone who lives with dogs and teaches PreK what I can say that I love about BOTH is that they make me see the world through new eyes. I may have seen something fifty thousand times, but seeing them see it for the first time makes it new and exciting for me. And that is why I love where I am in life!

  2. BOL! Love both of your posts. Of course I had to go back and read your other one haha!
    I have kids and dogs, and in truth, every one of them are my kids!
    ღ husky hugz ღ frum our pack at Love is being owned by a husky!

  3. My kids are adult people now, and dogs never quite get there do they. Dogs are perpetual a child, which is part of their charm I suppose.

    • That’s an interesting notion. Because dogs always need care more similar to what a child needs. But after spending time with foster puppies, adult dogs (at least mine) are very independent in comparison.

  4. I love both these posts!

  5. I don’t have kids and I read the full Harry Potter series!

    You wrote: “You’ll never watch your kid take a dump in the middle of a big athletic competition”……Have you ever watched one of the major marathons? The “contenders” who stand a real shot at winning the race, poop while they are running. They can’t afford to lose any time in a Johnny-on-the-spot as these races can be won by just a few seconds. Those poopers are somebody’s kid!

    • Actually, I don’t think distance runners poop while running because they don’t want to stop. I think it’s entirely outside their control.

      But point taken. I guess I’ll have to reconsider that particular benefit. :)

  6. Our timing is hilarious!! I just posted a Dog’s vs. Kids article! LMAO

    *wags!

    • I get such a kick when that happens. It feels like we’re walking in a cloud of ideas and sometimes we get on the same wavelength.

      Loved your post, BTW.

  7. I have read though that during the potty training phase, one can expect a dump here and there – and sometimes in public too! At ten months we still scream in the car, and I will never want to share my dudes clothes when he’s older. I’m kinda liking your Why Dogs Are Better Than Kids post better right now, but that’s only because I’m still sleep deprived. :)

    • Bwa ha ha! Your comment is funnier than my whole post.

      So glad you stopped by. I was wondering if your little snickerdoodle was keeping you busy.

  8. The one time when I usually wish our pup was a kid instead of a dog is whenever I have to get her to do something she doesn’t want to – like, say, going to the vet (doctor) when she’s sick. With a kid you can try to explain to them that no, it’s not fun, but it’s going to make them feel better. You just can’t explain these things to the dog. (But god knows I’ve tried.) Same with when you leave them to go away – you can’t just say “don’t worry, we’ll be back. It’s only a weekend!”

    And I’m with Taryn – I’ve read Harry Potter and I’m a CBC’er (Childless By Choice). I’ve also seen/rented pretty much all the hot animated kids movies. (I don’t know why everyone’s so gung-ho about Frozen… It was okay. I much preferred Brave!) :)

    • I am so with you, Jackie. I really wish I could explain to Honey about our pending move and what it’s going to mean for her.

      The vet is no issue. She’s just thrilled to get lovies and cat treats.

  9. “You’ll never watch your kid take a dump in the middle of a big athletic competition in front of thousands of people the way this dog did on the agility course at Crufts.”

    At least, you hope not.

  10. Since I never had children of my own (I had a part time stepson though), I didn’t think that you could sell me on kids being better than dogs. You came up with some pretty good points though! One thing I would add about kids giving you grandkids is that grandkids are the best because you mostly only have to be there for the fun parts!

  11. It’s my niece what’s going to take care of me in my old age. :) I still threaten to sell the kids on eBay, or defenestrate them. I only yell at the dog when he barks too much.

    • It is easier to be the cool aunt than the patient mom. Probably a good call to have your niece lined up for caregiving if you need her. :)

  12. My kids have never knocked me down as I come in the door after a long day of work. (They are too busy watching DVDs and playing video games.)
    That is a good thing about kids, right?

  13. But here’s one for the dog: Kids grow up and leave, dogs stay furever – YEAAAAAAA