My dog Honey looks so bored when I’m online. I bet things would be different if the internet were more canine-friendly.
If Dogs Invented the Internet…
the most popular search engine would not be Google, but Dog Pile
e-mail would become p-mail
porn would be a lot fuzzier
Pinterest would include boards called “dead things” and “counter surfing” and you’d pin your favorite smells
cat videos would not go viral
Reddit would become a mix of adolescent humping stories and serious posts about animal welfare that readers would vote on by lifting their legs
search rankings would be based on how a site smelled
loud barking would follow every time something appeared in your inbox
every half hour, your browser would shout “walkies” and shut down
your Pandora playlist would feature dog park videos instead of music. If you list Newfoundlands, you might also see St. Barnards, and Labradors, if you like Golden Retrievers. But no one knows why Weimaraners come up in every mix.
Firefox would be the most common browser
the best online games would include sniffing out rodents, fetching, herding, barking, howling, and running
online news coverage of wars would almost always end with both parties shaking it off and going to play with someone else
conspiracy sites would ask probing questions about why everyone else’s bone looks bigger and whether Labrador Retrievers really are the most popular breed or if there are just a few who are really, really fast
every forum would be moderated by a bossy Border Collie
We all know, of course, if we had to wait for dogs to invent the internet, we’d still be waiting.
But maybe that’s not all bad.
What do you think would be different if dogs invented the Internet?