If Dogs Invented the Internet

Dog bed in a computer monitor.

What’s a computer good for?

My dog Honey looks so bored when I’m online. I bet things would be different if the internet were more canine-friendly.

If Dogs Invented the Internet…

the most popular search engine would not be Google, but Dog Pile

e-mail would become p-mail

porn would be a lot fuzzier

Pinterest would include boards called “dead things” and “counter surfing” and you’d pin your favorite smells

cat videos would not go viral

Reddit would become a mix of adolescent humping stories and serious posts about animal welfare that readers would vote on by lifting their legs

search rankings would be based on how a site smelled

loud barking would follow every time something appeared in your inbox

every half hour, your browser would shout “walkies” and shut down

your Pandora playlist would feature dog park videos instead of music. If you list Newfoundlands, you might also see St. Barnards, and Labradors, if you like Golden Retrievers. But no one knows why Weimaraners come up in every mix.

Firefox would be the most common browser

the best online games would include sniffing out rodents, fetching, herding, barking, howling, and running

online news coverage of wars would almost always end with both parties shaking it off and going to play with someone else

conspiracy sites would ask probing questions about why everyone else’s bone looks bigger and whether Labrador Retrievers really are the most popular breed or if there are just a few who are really, really fast

every forum would be moderated by a bossy Border Collie

We all know, of course, if we had to wait for dogs to invent the internet, we’d still be waiting.

But maybe that’s not all bad.

What do you think would be different if dogs invented the Internet?

photo credit: monicaewagner via photopin cc



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  1. I bet my IT guy could figure out how to make my work computer bark every time I got an e-mail. :-)

    We had a guy who sounded a lot like Hermie from Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, I mentioned it to IT and he said, “Do you want me to fix it so every time he turns on his computer it says, ‘I want to be a dentist.’ ”

    Guess who I’m e-mailing Monday morning? “-)

  2. Very funny! As the by the by, even as I write this, my cat gave up on being brushed this morning and my dog keeps sighing and clicking his nails on the floor to get my attention. Guess I’d better get dressed and tend to my anxious crowd! LOL Happy Hop!

  3. Very cute. I can’t help but smile at this one: “loud barking would follow every time something appeared in your inbox”

    Every time I watch a video with barking or whining dogs, my dogs’ heads all snap up and it is the ONLY time I ever see them interested in the computer. :-)

    I think if dogs invented the internet, they would have immediately destroyed it after realizing it often meant less or shorter outings for them….

  4. Funny post! As Franny noted in an earlier post, Facebook for dogs would be Buttbook!

  5. We loved this post except for “cat videos wouldn’t go viral” :)

    Our faves were: “search rankings would be based on how a site smelled

    loud barking would follow every time something appeared in your inbox

    every half hour, your browser would shout “walkies” and shut down”

  6. Woof! Woof! Golden Laughs! Definitely Lots of Woofs Woofs. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

  7. If dogs invented the internet, there would be chewy corners on keyboards and it wouldn’t be called a mouse, it would be a tennis ball!

  8. The keyboards would have to be ‘paw sized’ too:-)

  9. Ha, ha! Loved this post!! How creative of you 😉

  10. That was a great post. Have a super Sunday.
    Best wishes Molly

  11. If dogs invented the Internet, it would be called tail-wagging instead of tweeting!

  12. If dogs invented the internet:
    1. Your mouse would be a fuzzy stuffie you could play with
    2. You could throw a tennis ball at the screen and the screen would throw it back
    3. There’d be a build-in treat dispenser right next to the DVD slot

  13. I think this crew would like the idea of auto-shut down after 20 minutes.
    And computers would toss out biscuits every 15 minutes a person was online.

  14. I like the idea of sites smelling – mine would smell awesome!

  15. LOL! ALL TRUE!

    I used to use Dogpile as my search engine. I preferred it over Yahoo. Then Google came along. My dogs are bored by my internet surfing, so I suspect they might be if they were doing the surfing too. But the Pinterest thing might catch their attention. :)

  16. That was BRILLIANT. You have to submit it for publication SOMEWHERE.

  17. Bwahaha! As Bella sits her mumbling at me, the obvious favorite in this house is the browser shut down. :)

    (Oh, and anyone who WANTS their email to bark at them? Hit me up, I can make that so. 😉

  18. I bet I’d be in better shape if my browser insisted on walkies every 30 minutes… :)

  19. Great post! And great replies, too! I’m still smiling! I would love it if my computer would bark at me whenever I got new mail — just not too loudly cuz my ears are sensitive (great hearing to make up for the lousy eyesight!). Have a wonderful day everyone! Happy Woofs from Callie, Shadow, and Ducky!