I Hate Puppies!

Who can resist a puppy?

Honey the Golden Retriever's Sister

Sure, she looks cute. But behind that fuzzy face lie teeth just waiting to taste you.

They’re cute. You can pick them up. Their feet smell like corn chips.

You’d have to be crazy to hate puppies.

Okay, I don’t really hate puppies. I’m not insane. Even Hitler smiled at puppies (honest, click the link for the film).

But I don’t get the whole puppy thing. Just look at how you suffer with a puppy in the house.

Puppies Bite

Puppies are like tiny sharks wearing fur coats. Those tiny teeth are as sharp as razors and catch on everything—sweaters, upholstery, and most of all, skin.

I’ve never cried more in my life than when my mouthy Golden Retriever was teething. Ouch!

Puppy Bladders Are the Size of an Eye Dropper

What is it like to spend a day with a puppy? Aerobic. You’ll definitely get a workout carrying the little fuzzy thing downstairs to the yard ALL DAY LONG.

And you have to carry the pup because, if you don’t, he’ll squat five feet from the door. Inside the house. Over and over again.

Puppies Cause Guilt

If you aren’t careful, you’ll screw up your puppy for life. If she has an accident in the house, it’s all your fault. If you don’t expose him to new things during his socialization window, he’ll be fearful as an adult. She’s learning every day. Are you teaching her the right things?

OMD! The guilt is unbearable. If Honey is scared of something or misbehaves, it’s all my fault. I don’t have anyone to blame for messing her up.

Except myself.

Have I convinced you? Because, if you’re freaking out right now, I have a solution.

Shadow the hound mix sunbathing

Shadow at 10 Years Old: You couldn’t ask for a sweeter dog.

Adopt an Older Pet

November is Adopt an Older Pet Month. And the solution to puppy sharks, rugs that smell like pee, and unbearable guilt.

I should know.

Shadow, was my dog before Honey. That’s her in the header of this post. She was nine years old when she came home with us from the SPCA.

Did she chew on me? Or anything in the house?

Nope.

Did she have a single accident in the house?

Never.

Did she cause me any guilt?

Nah. If she was screwed up, it wasn’t my fault. I’d just blame her first family.

The Perfect Dog

Shadow was the perfect dog. The first day she was home alone, we put up baby gates to keep her in the kitchen. We didn’t know what bad habits she might have brought from the shelter or her previous home.

After two days, it was obvious Shadow was perfectly trustworthy. She had the full run of the house.

Shadow was sweet. She didn’t bark. She was calm and quiet.

If we never left the house (like many people who have dogs), she would have been perfect.

Outside our yard, we discovered some reactivity toward other dogs, a tendency to pull on leash, and a nose that would lead her far from home if she ever got away from us. And yes, we had to work together on those things.

But in the house, she was perfect.

Older dog: 22 hours a day of perfection. 2 hours a day of pulling on leash and barking at other dogs.

Puppy: 8 hours a day of biting, chewing, pooping, and peeing. 16 hours of sleeping (interrupted by all the other activities on an irregular schedule).

Older dog has a pretty good ratio, huh?

Honey the Golden Retriever as a puppy in her crate.

What do you mean this is the safest place for me as long as I’m teething?

The Truth About Puppies

Of course puppies are adorable and fun. If you don’t believe me (and who wouldn’t?), just wait until you see the video I plan to post on Friday. Squeeeeeeeee!

But they take a lot of work to raise properly. And puppies are a big responsibility.

So when you’re ready to bring a new dog into your life, consider one with a little worldly wisdom. So you can keep loving puppies.

Because there’s nothing more likely to make you hate puppies, than having one.

 

 

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Comments

  1. Instigator! I have to get ready for work, but had to leave a comment for the title. Will read later this morning. :)

  2. So true! Puppies are irresistible – until you’re living with one. We had fun along the way, we also worried quite a bit. They take lots of time and effort.

  3. Puppy breath, you forgot that. But ya, they are more work for sure.

  4. Ha ha! SO. MUCH. WORK!! You can’t let them out of your site for a minute (unless they are safely crated!) but they are adorable! No more going out for a drink after work, or spending the day wandering the mall . . .nope, they put you on a schedule and the world revolves around them!!

  5. You nailed it. And the guilt is terrible. Terrible! A lot of Silas’s anxiety is genetic, I think, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking it’s all my fault.

    I tell people that we won’t ever adopt another puppy, for all these reasons. Too much pressure!

  6. Hahahaha! So! True! A friend of mine is actually fostering three three-week-old puppies right now and is trying to convince me to take them off her hands. I just laughed. I’ve not even raised a puppy and I know how much work they are. There may come a day when I am ready, like if I ever win the lottery and no longer have to work for a living, but for now, adults only, please. My dog is enough of a challenge without having to worry about being peed on!

  7. I could not agree more. I got all my dogs as adults and am grateful that other people did a good job raising them.

  8. We agree! Although, a unsocialized two year old Golden with no manners can cause more damage than a puppy ever could – just ask Monty!

    Sam

  9. We got Junebug at 6 months old and never again. Puppies are cute and adorable and OMG the puppy breath, but then you have to live with one. Moree and Smokey both came to us around 9 months old- a little better, but not great.
    Larry at 3, though- darn near perfect.
    And foster Howie, at 12, easiest integration into the household ever.

  10. We haven’t attempted a puppy yet…although Toby was our youngest adoption, and at 11 months he still behaved very much like an untrained puppy. Of course Meadow came with her share of issues, but biting and peeing were not among them…and Leah entered our home very much like your Shadow. Not perfect, but trustworthy in the house from day one. :-)

  11. Ha ha ha! As a person who has adopted adult dogs, senior dogs and recently brought home a puppy, I can vouch that older dogs are a lot less work. Lilac taught me a lot about the value of older dogs (although she’d lived on the farm and was the hardest Greyhound to potty train that we ever had), and also a lot about the value of old age and wisdom in general. Kuster has taught me a lot, too, but there is something exceptionally sweet about a senior dog. Lilac had never been a pet before she came to us at almost eight years old. She made up for that lost time and then some! :)

  12. Ah puppies!!! Been there, done that…Now, like you, I’m aged beyond my years! LOL Loved your post!

  13. Omg! So true. We had 2 puppies at one time, not expected. Adopted Lily from a rescue. And then a neighbour brought home a puppy for her daughter. After a week of puppy crying at night, lovely neighbour stated she’d sell her to the first person who wanted her, so she could make her money back. Silly us, thought 2 puppies would keep each other company! Plus we worried about who was going to buy the poor puppy, so we paid our neighbor to take “the puppy off her hands “. Although I wouldn’t change anything and we love both dogs! We did lose our carpet to frantic chewing sessions…pine dining room table and chairs still bear the chew dents, as does our wall….and let’s not talk about the endless Saturdays spent shampooing the rug! Having adopted both older and puppies….our next one will be an older dog:-).

  14. Eh. I don’t think so, after seven puppies I still want more! :) Lots of work definitely but have yet to “hate” one. 😀

  15. I always say, the reason they make puppies that cute is so you don’t kill them. They can definitely be exhausting to live with! They are tiny little terrorists.

  16. Don’t forget that puppies also have the aww factor so get away with everything – you should meet my brother Walt, he just has to look at a human and they go all goey, they don’t coo over me like that *Sad eyes*

  17. You described BJ perfectly when he came home with me. I didn’t really care about the age of a dog I was adopting, I only wanted one that was smallish. I found out he was 7 months, and by that time, he had adopted me. I also thought he was better trained and I hadn’t had a dog since I was a teenager. (A very longer time ago.) Needless to say, I was blotting up pee. buying two new pairs of shoes because he chewed one from each pair, etc. Then he would look at me with his puppy dog eyes and I would laugh and hold him.

    Next time around, I will look at older dogs. Hopefully, that won’t be for a long time. I want BJ around for a few more years. He’s almost 13.

  18. Yay for older pets! I prefer being an aunt to puppies. It’s kind of how I feel about babies too – play with them for a bit and then give them back to their parents for all the exhausting stuff. 😉