How I Know I’m a Dog Pessimist

Honey the Golden Retriever poses beside Fall Creek in Ithaca.

A walk is much easier with just one dog. I’d never cause poop to shower on your head.

Is the glass half empty? Or half full?

What a stupid question.

At least if you’re a dog person.

I Am a Dog Pessimist

I know I am. Because this is what I think about on a walk:

I have our visiting dog Chico’s leash in one hand. I have Honey’s leash and a full dog poop bag in the other.

As I pass one leash over my head to keep them untangled, I imagine the poop bag opening and spilling its contents all over my head.

It hasn’t happened yet. But it will.

See? I’m a pessimist.

I bet the idea never occurred to you optimists. No matter how tangled your leashes get.

Your Turn: Are you a dog pessimist or a dog optimist. What good or bad things do you imagine happening on a walk?

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Comments

  1. I guess I’m a pessimist too! I think about stuff like that all the time!

  2. Is the poop bag half full or half empty? Does it really matter? Perhaps you should invent some kind of utility belt from which to hang the bag, so when it does break (and we all know it will) it will only land on your shoes. These are the things I think about. ;-)

    • Actually, she doesn’t have to invent the utility belt you’re talking about — Cesar Millan has one out, available on his website’s store. Of course, whether you want to pay his price or not is another story altogether. :-)

  3. I laughed out loud when I read this. I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve had that exact same thought. It’s one of the reasons I like to take the dogs walking in the hills behind the house instead of the neighborhood because I don’t have to pick up back there. So funny.

  4. Tangled leash and picking up poop is our problem. One day pees will kiss the curb at the wrong spot. LOL! Have a super Saturday.
    Best wishes Molly

  5. I’m totally a dog pessimist and have imagined this happening to me countless times!

  6. I worry that Torrey will find that one stinky thing to eat or roll in.

  7. That’s too funny, Pamela!! I’ve never really given much thought to it, but I can see it happening to me. During all our walks at the park over these 8 years, Shadow has never pooped there. She prefers the privacy of her own backyard. Callie is another story; so all I can say is thank God there are trash cans along the trails!!

  8. I am definitely a pessimist. A dog will come running out of a yard and attack Toby. Leah will see a cat and drag me to my death. A loud truck will backfire and scare Meadow. My dog will poop twice and I will only have one bag….

    LOL! I could go on and on.

    Don’t lift the bag over your head. Just don’t do it. :-) Maybe Honey can carry a backpack and carry her own poo!

  9. I always worry that when Pierson sees another dog on our walk that he is going to get out of his leash or get away from me and attack the other dog. And I always worry that when I bend over to pick up Maya’s poo that she is going to suddenly jerk on the leash and make me fall in it. I don’t worry about my dogs getting tangled because Maya knows to walk on my right and Pierson knows to walk on my left. And most of the time I walk them separately because trying to control two big dogs that want to go after other dogs is asking for trouble.

  10. That would so not be good! When taking Scout for a walk, I worry about him leaving pee mail everywhere and I have to be careful to not let him leave it on me! Because of that, he doesn’t get to go on many walks. We just play catch in the backyard!

  11. I use zip lock bags and always zip them up after every occasion and fix them on an improvised belt because I have imagined that scenario before.

  12. Mummy is a pessimist too, think it goes with the territory

  13. I also am a pessimist. I know that some day, I am going to be picking up poop, with a leash in each hand and my dogs are going to full out run in opposite directions, knocking me over into the pile of poop I was trying to eradicate. **AWFUL**

  14. All I can say is…lolololololol…if it happens, I want pictures! Happy Saturday!

  15. I guess I’ve never thought about it, but that doesn’t make me an optimist! Except that I KNOW Sage will roll in whatever stinky stuff is out there and I KNOW she’ll find a mud-puddle as soon as she’s hot from running.

  16. I sometimes think like that. When I do, I do something to prevent it. Untangle the leashes by going under you instead of over you.

  17. Well . .I walked dogs for a living for 5 years – ALL of the things that you could possibly worry about have happened to me . .and I survived! Just remember to laugh when it happens! :)

  18. Ha, it totally depends on how crazy they are acting at the moment! :)

  19. I have to be ever vigilant on walks with our dog, Dino, scanning ahead of him for things that he might decide to try to eat. Once he has something, my otherwise sweet as can be, wouldn’t hurt a fly, cockapoo turns into Cujo. The pessimism comes in because I start every walk certain that it will end badly because of this proclivity. Ironically, the one time he ended up in the University of Pennsylvania Vet Hospital for a $2,500 stay with a final diagnosis of “dietary indiscretion”, I never saw him get anything.

  20. On that topic? Pessimist! Definitely Pessimist! LOL :)

  21. I used to be a dog optimist until about 3 years ago when I was walking two of my dogs & the leash got tangled around my hand & I broke a finger & a bone in my hand. Now I wear a fanny pack with two bags hanging from it – one for empty poop bags & the other for used poop bags so my hands are free to just hold the leashes. I bought it at a dept. store – it cost about 4.99. It also has a pouch for treats.

  22. Gee whiz. That’s an image! I guess pessimism runs in a different direction when you have elderly dogs like my two. It’s not so much, will they be so rambunctious I’ll find myself downstream of a poop shower. It’s more like, on this particular hike, will we make it out of the woods alive? Will either Charlie or Wolf have a heart attack, stroke, peptic ulcer, kidney stone attack? Will they snap an ankle? Get bitten/stung/pecked? Will their hips give out? And how will I get them back to the car?

  23. Definitely an optimist! I have humiliated myself on such a regular bases I figure what the hell, I’m giving someone a good laugh at least ;) ok, you’d really have to know what a total klutz I am but I’ve gotten REAL use to laughing at myself! Glass half full!

  24. Silas wrapped his long line around my leg, while he was having a fit of the zoomies. Of course I was wearing shorts. It left quite a friction burn.

    I knew it was going to happen, but I only had time to get one leg out of the way.

    Moral: listen to the little voice, and listen fast.

  25. I’m more worried about falling into it, as I see are several others here – glad I’m not alone in the, “I just know when I bend over you’re going to knock me off my feet” fears. Just can’t it hasn’t happened yet….

  26. I’d be concerned that i’d drop a leash. Is that pessimistic or just fearful?

  27. I juggle the leash, but never the poop bag! That’s just taking too great a risk. I mean I can’t win the lottery……but I bet I could dump poop on my head.

  28. No no no no no.You’re looking at this all wrong. I, too, would have this thought, but only because I am a pragmatist, not a pessimist. What follows are thoughts about how to keep this from occurring. No pessimism allowed.

  29. Definitely a pessimist so that when the bad things I’m expecting to happen don’t then I can relax and be happy:) I always take off hoping a myriad of things won’t happen and 99.9% of the time they don’t. If they do it’s singly not everything. But I can’t help worrying.

  30. Ha! You know what I think when I have to switch leashes like that? I’m going to drop one and a dog will run off. Yep. Dog pessimist too.

  31. Valid concern.
    I usually worry about loose dogs, and how I’m going to get away unscathed when they chase us down the street.

  32. Ahaha! This is why I have one dog.

  33. Hmmm. I think I just answered this question in your latest post. I have never imagined the poop bag opening and spilling because I do good knots. I have however imagined using a torn poop bag and not realising it until my fingers meet the hot mess.