You know the saying, “Dogs have owners; Cats have staff?”
I beg to differ.
Positions needed by the dog looking for personal staff:
Wardrobe Mistress – Coordinate collar, tags, leash, and possibly coat and boots to create a striking appearance when stepping out.
Pacer – Set a walking pace that optimizes exercise at a record speed without causing leash strangulation.
Administrative Assistant – Aid in replying to all p-mails.
Poop Valet – Gently recover all leavings and transport them safely home.
Chauffer – Aerate ears by driving the perfect speed with windows lowered to an optimal level.
Personal Chef – Make processed kibble and treats more palatable, preferably by replacing them with hamburgers, cheese, steak, chicken, liver, bacon…
Explorer – Perform excavations to search for new forms of life hidden under several feet of shed fur.
Social Secretary – Facilitate greeting other dogs on walks by traveling in a circle while holding a leash so no tangling occurs.
All positions could be held by one person.
Payment will be made in the form of :
- loving looks
- wet nose prints
- lifelong friendship
Barter will also be considered. The right person staffing the positions could expect the following services in trade:
- bed warming
- plate cleaning