Do You Need A Laugh?

Every morning starts the same way.

“What are you going to write about on the blog today, Brain?”

“The same thing we write about every day, Pinky. How dogs are taking over the world.”

But sometimes inspiration fails me. Despite four attempts, I have yet to assemble a coherent thought. And it’s November, when I usually try to post every day. So I can’t let myself off the hook.

I could use a laugh.

Golden Retriever Puppy Smiling

How do you make a dog laugh? Well you sure don’t do it by writing about her on your blog. I’m talking to you, woman.

Funniest Something Wagging Posts

Y’know what? Sometimes I’m pretty funny.

Like when I wrote Doggy Style Pick-Up Lines.

Do you think Lassie got much action when he says: “Let’s push Timmy in the well and go off for some just you and me time.” Or how about that Great Pyrenees who claims: “I’m not bragging, Baby. It’s right in the name.”

Bwa ha ha. I tickle myself.

I also love nature documentaries. I wish I could have gotten Richard Attenborough to narrate The Migratory Patterns of the Fuzzy-Bellied Honey. But we’ll never capture the footage. It’s just too dangerous.

And of course, sex is always funny. Okay, not when you do it right. But it is me we’re talking about.

Honey the Golden Retriever shows her belly.

This is my sexiest pose.

I asked the question, Where Is The Dog When You Have Sex? And no, I wasn’t the funny one. It was the amazing comments by some pretty sexy S’Waggers.

How funny were they? Funny enough to inspire me to write The Dog Lover’s Guide To Great Sex. And to cement my reputation as the pervert in the dog blogging world.

And finally, I should confess that I’m not the funny one in the family. At least if you’re talking about something besides looks.

The funny one would be my husband, who wrote the funniest (true!) poop story I’ve ever heard in The Dog, The Universe, And Me. I defy you to come up with a more horrifying and hilarious dog poop story.

Golden Retriever on a walk

He’s so dramatic!

Where Do You Go For A Laugh?

Okay, I just reviewed some of Something Wagging’s funniest moments. And I could still use a belly laugh.

Feel free to share your funniest story in the comments, a link to something that busts your gut, or a link to the funniest thing you ever wrote on your blog.

Because Honey just settled in for a nap. And she’s not funny at all.

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  1. I have laughed often when I come and visit your blog. Your wry humor is simply awesome. Let me think of a funny story and I will come back, right now, I got nothing.

    • Loved it!

      But I can’t blame the dog. I haven’t yet gone to a dog obedience class that taught the cue for “don’t chew up your dog obedience certificate.”

  2. This seriously made me laugh out loud.

  3. Mike’s poop story was hilarious. There are a couple others that spring to mind. Shiva and Tim Hortons, Mrs. Taleteller and Flattery, heck Delilah has even made me laugh a couple of times. :-)

    I find this video brings a smile to my face.

    • Mike had no sense of humor when his poop story actually happened. I busted out laughing when he told me what had happened and he just glared at me.

      And yes, Shiva at Tim Horton’s is bookmarked as well as being tattooed on my brain.

      As for the jumping dog–I have never seen that behavior anywhere except on YouTube. Maybe they’re channeling their ancient wolf ancestors and trying to break through the ice to get to prey?

  4. I thought I had a pretty good poop story (which I’ve been meaning to write about, so thanks for the nudge) but it doesn’t beat this story. Poor Mike.

    • Please do write about your funny poop story. After all, you are nutritional experts. It seems only right to discuss what goes out of our dogs when you’re advising us about what goes into our dogs. :)

  5. I read the story about your husband not having a poop bag and instead…fashioning one out of snow??!! My jaw dropped when I read that. I really thought he’d just kick some snow over the poop – not pack it in snow and carry it!!!! Good gravy! The closest I came to that as far as improvisation was when Blueberry had used up all 4 bags (I double bag when hiking to cut down on the smell) and had already placed the used bags in a garbage can in a camp site. Wouldn’t you know it? It was a 3-poop kind of hike and B unloaded another pile for me about 1/2 a mile from the parking lot. I used the two Kleenex I had in my pocket to carry it. Just to be clear: Kleenex is for boogers, not for poop. The poop quickly saturated the Kleenex and I felt the liquid warmth of the poop seep through to my palm. Thankfully, I made it to the garbage can without dropping it (or vomiting) and there was a spigot in that area so I was able to rinse off my hand. Otherwise, I would have seriously considered chopping off my hand so I wouldn’t have to drive home with a poo-scented hand.

    P.S. – so glad someone else referenced Pinky and the Brain! Sometimes I think I am the only one that ever watched that cartoon! I really think you or your husband could come up with lyrics for the snow packed tootsie pop story to the Pinky and the Brain theme… 😉

    • OMD! You win the prize for most conscientious scooper! That’s even more amazing than when Jen of My Brown Newfies took off her shirt to clean up after one of her boys.

      And yay Pinky and the Brain. When I was a kid in the 1970s, cartoons were awful (Wonder Twins, Scooby Doo). I was so impressed and amazed to see Pinky and the Brain, Animaniacs, and Batman, The Animated Adventures. And jealous of kids who grew up with such great stuff.

      I know I was too old to enjoy them. But they were fabulous!

      • I loved the Animaniacs too – but I also loved the Wonder Twins. I mean, come on, they could shape shift! Did you ever watch Bobby’s World? I saw that when I was older too and thought it was probably one of the better cartoons, almost up there with Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain.

  6. Okay Pamela, here’s one for you. We were at the doctor’s yesterday and he told me that his wife is a knitter and had some very expensive $70/skein yarn. Well, it turns out their basset hound ate the whole thing of yarn. The funny part comes when the yarn made it’s way through the digestive system and started to reveal itself. The doctor took hold of the end of yarn and told his wife to call the dog. As the dog ran all over the back yard, the doctor got all the yarn out! True story!

  7. Well you’ve made us all smile! Happy Thursday!!

    Nacho, Noah, Buddy & Basil

  8. how about a joke instead? Heard this one on the radio today.
    Why did the A change into an E?
    He had vowel movement. :)

  9. I read Mike’s poop story and I laughed out loud. Thanks for linking to it!

    • Now it really gratifies Mike when people love his story. Your comment made his day.

      But the day it happened, he just glared at me for laughing. I’m glad he was able to turn poop into laughter. :)

  10. I still laugh when I think about your “Where is the Dog When You’re Having Sex” post! the comments were awesome! The funniest thing I saw today was a pic on FB that said “It’s so freaking cold outside I just keyed someones car with my nipples by accident! :)

    • Yeah, I often find the comments are vastly superior to my original posts. And that was definitely what happened that time.

      Who knew S’Waggers had such funny (and fuzzy) sex lives? :)

  11. As you are the perve of the dog world community (and I say that with love) I thought I would share with you a dirty joke that I learnt just the other day.


    A white horse fell into a muddy puddle! (well it makes me laugh)

  12. Read my DADO post, “Getting Revenge on the Duchess” again. The ending is still enough to make me laugh some 45 or so years later. :-) And I love reading your posts — when I have time to read — cuz you always make me laugh out loud..

  13. Things haven’t been too funny around here, lately, what with the loss of My Mercedes and Franny on the ropes and Fritz so old. But here’s a past Funny:
    A Wienerholic Christmas Road Trip
    Dec 24th 2011: 2PM: Race home from work on icy roads 6000 feet above sea level. Contemplate getting to daughter’s sea level home within the next 2 hours with Christmas presents, Plum Pudding with Brandy Hard Sauce, and 6 Weiner dogs with beds, food, water bowls, faux fur blankets and treats. Also Grumpy Husband.
    2:30 PM: Almost down South Grade. Snap cell phone pic of 6 terrified Weiners sliding from one end of the bench seat to the other as Grumpy Husband does impersonation of Daytona Devil in 15 foot passenger van on South Grade switchbacks. Send to daughter, big ha ha.
    2:31 PM: Mercedes pukes.
    2:32PM: Phoebe projectile vomits into $200 leather Lucky hand bag sitting on floor. Particles hit Grumpy Husband’s open Pepsi. No photo taken.
    3:00 PM: Fritz plays Poor Blind Weiner card, successfully whining his way onto lap to do Wiener Window Lean. Other dogs protest obvious injustice with incessant barking.
    3:01PM: Driver executes Backhanded Fucking Dogs!#$@! Swipe . Truck driver in other lane executes One Finger Fucking Asshole!#$@! Salute.
    3:20PM: Arm with 16 pounds of Dead Weiner Weight plopped on it seriously fails to respond to brain cues. Catch out of corner of eye Izzy sliding silently and slowly off bench seat.
    3:20:05: Watch helplessly as Izzy fixes demented vengeful “Fuck You” gaze on Blind Fritz (irony) lolling on now completely dead arm and GAZING OUT WINDOW (irony complete) and pisses on Fritz’s Teddy-Bear -Cum-Girlfriend on floor.
    3:20:10: Contemplate choices: (1) Yell at Izzy (2) Keep quiet so Driver doesn’t know van has new piss spot (3) break into jar of Brandy Hard Sauce with big spoon.
    4:00PM: Arrive Ocean Beach, 6 Weiner dogs sitting on lap. Entire body numb. Watch Grumpy Husband chug last of Pepsi.

    • That’s a riot. Thanks for finding the funny side of a trip that probably wasn’t so funny at the time. And in the middle of missing your lovely girl.

  14. Between me, Bailie and cat bro Bert, someone is always doing something to make Mom laugh and get some inspiration!

  15. Ha, you can’t stop males from bragging – even Great Pyrenees! But I was sure their standard line was this – you’re so gorgeous that it’s like looking in the mirror!

  16. Poop story is the best but here’s mine: Splat