Are Bad Jokes Made Better With Dogs?

Golden Retriever at the Newman Arboretum

Groan. You have a horrible sense of humor. I’ll just pretend I’m not with you.

Does anyone know a good joke? How about a few bad ones?

And can the bad ones be redeemed by adding dogs? Let’s see:

Chicken Crossing the Road Joke

Why did the dog cross the road? To sniff the chicken on the other side.

Light Bulb Joke

How many dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, silly. But it’s in a dog park, not a light bulb. And they prefer to call it humping.

Mama Insult Joke

Your Maremma is so fat her butt looks like two bull dogs wrestling in a sack.

Knock Knock Joke

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Carly Rae Jepsen’s Collie.

Carly Rae Jepsen’s Collie, who?

Carly Rae Jepsen’s Collie, maybe.

Rabbi and Priest Joke

A Bull Terrier and a Chihuahua walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, is this a joke?”

Pearly Gates Joke

Three dogs died and stood before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

To determine their worthiness, St. Peter asked the first dog: “How many times did you cheat on the mother of your puppies?” The dog replied, “I was always faithful.”

St. Peter said, “Well done. For your faithfulness, you will get a giant dog house filled with your favorite foods and a collar covered in diamonds.”

The second dog came forward and St. Peter asked him the same question. The dog answered, “Well, once I got out of the yard and had some fun with the poodle next door.”

St. Peter thanked him for his honesty and said he wasn’t too bad so he’d get a smaller dog house with yummy bones and a leather collar.

Finally the third dog stepped forward to answer the question. He admitted he played around a bit and had been responsible for three litters of puppies around the neighborhood.

St. Peter told the third dog, “Well, you can stay, but your dog house will be even smaller, supplied only with kibble, and your collar will be made of webbing.”

A short time later, the first dog was howling on the street curb. The second two asked, “Why are you howling? You got the big dog house with all the yummy food and the diamond encrusted collar.”

The first dog replied, “I just saw the mother of my puppies.  She lives in a cardboard box and has a piece of string for her collar.”

Rodney Dangerfield Joke

Once when I was lost I saw an animal control officer and asked him to help me find my people. I said to him, “Do you think we’ll ever find them?” He said, “I don’t know, boy. There are so many places they can hide.”

What’s your favorite bad joke? And is it better with dogs?

 

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Comments

  1. A chocolate lab named Delilah went into a bar and the bartender said, “Why the long face?”

    Seriously, I ask Delilah that all the time, “why the long face Delilah?” And I laugh. Every. Single. Time.

  2. I think everything is better with a dog.
    hmm my favorite joke with a dog added in?
    Question: Why do french dogs eat only one egg for breakfast?
    answer: Because in France, one egg is “une oeuf.”

  3. These are not bad jokes! They are great jokes, with or without dogs. Though obviously the doggy version is best. I love silly, kid jokes like these. I can’t help but crack up.

    My favourite bad joke dog-ified:
    “What did the dog say when he lost his bone?”
    “Where’s my bone?”

    Hahahahahaha!

  4. I’m with Kristine! lol And I know I’ve heard some funny dog jokes, but it’s been a long day and I can’t remember a single one of them!

  5. I can’t stop laughing :)

  6. instant rimshot to go with your jokes. The light bulb one is great!
    http://instantrimshot.com/

  7. LOL… canine stand-up comedy is my new favorite kind of comedy!

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