A Modest Puposal for Preventing Ignorant Dog Owners From Being a Burden on Animal Shelters, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick (with apologies to Jonathan Swift)
The Problem: Obnoxious Little Dogs
You’ve seen them.
The little dogs on long leashes who garotte your ankles. The fashion accessories who take a nip when you reach into their matching bag to have a pet. And my nemesis, the yappy Yorkshire Terrier who comes flying out his doggy door to bark a blue streak at everyone walking by his yard.
What is to be done? Will anyone save us from the small dog menace?
The Problem: Hyperactive Adolescent Dogs
The shelters are full of them. Dogs who range from six months to two years old, have no manners, and no lack of energy.
They bounce as if they have springs for legs. All the time barking, barking, barking.
They might be cute. If they ever settle down enough for you to get a good look at them. But they’re nowhere near as cute as they were when some ignorant person decided they just had to get a puppy.
How can we end the glut of ill-mannered adolescent dogs waiting for homes?
I have a simple solution that will rid us of obnoxious little dogs and hyperactive adolescents forever.
If you want it, you can’t have it.
Let me explain: any first time dog owner who wants a small dog, or a puppy, cannot have one.
Make it a law.
A woman who calls a breeder or, Dog forbid, visits a pet store asking for a Chihuahua or Maltese will be given an Irish Wolfhound or a Mastiff. The first time they need their dog to get off their foot, they’ll start searching for in-home dog trainers.
The family who can’t resist their kid’s pleas for a puppy will be given a four year old dog—already house trained and taught manners by an experienced dog person who is allowed to raise puppies for rehoming. They’ll earn their dog care chops on a well-socialized dog given the best start in life, instead of ruining a perfectly nice puppy.
No more obnoxious little dogs. No more no-longer-cute adolescents dumped for behavior problems.
Now, how to implement it.
What Modest Puposals would you make to empty out shelters and better the lives of animals?