9 Reasons I Hate My Dog

I love her. But I also hate her.

Maybe once you read the reasons I hate my dog, you’ll understand.

Honey the golden retriever - I hate my dog.

Are you thinking of replacing me with these barnacles for your new favorite pet?

Sometimes I Hate My Dog

And here’s why:

Every time I apply a bit of chapstick before bed, I end up with muppet lips from all the fur on the bedspread.

My dog doesn’t care if it’s cold or raining. She insists on peeing outdoors.

Every time I give her a special treat, she never says thank you. In fact, she gives me a look that says, “What else have you got for me?”

Honey the golden retriever with flat pets.

Or maybe you’d prefer these flat pets?

Even if I spend extra time on my hair and make up, my dog gets all the compliments ten minutes after she gets up from a nap.

I spend so much time packing treats, water, a bowl, and a ball before we take my dog anywhere that I forget to go to the bathroom.

She waits until the most exciting part of the movie to decide to put her tail in my face.

Right after someone compliments me on my excellent training job, my dog jumps up on him.

Because there’s one female in the house my husband can’t say no to. And it’s not me.

And the biggest reason I hate my dog? Because the thing I want most from her she can’t give me—for her to live forever.

Honey the Golden retriever - I hate my dog.

Yeah, I know you love me. If you didn’t, you’d have traded me in for a smaller dog a long time ago.

Your Turn: I know you love your dogs. But do you sometimes hate them too? C’mon, tell us all about it. You know you want to.

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  1. One reason I hate my dogs is that whenever we have guests, it’s like Danielle and I don’t exist and never give them any attention. They fawn over guests and ignore us completely.

    • BOL! I feel your pain.

      Honey flips more over the fishermen she met this morning for the first time then she did after we returned from a month’s trip to Panama.

      Hopefully you and Danielle realize the compliment of being taken for granted. It means the pups don’t need to make a fuss since you’ll always be there for them.

  2. When she acts like a teenager with selective hearing. When I call her to me…..maybe she will ignore me this time.

  3. Ah, how well I understand! But I also know it’s not really “hate” – envy maybe but not hate. 😍

  4. Oh so true – especially the one about the one female my husband can’t say no too…
    I hate it when Jack follows me into my narrow walk-in closet and I can’t get out. Drives me nuts.

  5. I think the biggest thing I hate about Zoe is her “perfect princess pee pee spot”. She takes forever to find a spot to potty and it drives me nuts. I’ve never had a dog do that before and it can be very frustrating, especially if we are traveling. With Phoenix I hate that her previous owners didn’t socialize her with other dogs and I hate that she gets so overstimulated by them. I also really wish they didn’t have the anxieties and fears that they have.

  6. I hate that Blueberry somehow makes it through the night without needing a 1am potty break in the winter but in the summer her bladder magically shrinks and suddenly I find myself having to let her out at least once. And I really hate it when it seems like she’s taking forever and I look out only to find her lying on a patch of grass, fully alert, taking in the night air.

    Hahaha on the muppet lips! That actually happens to me before I leave the house for work. Most women check the mirror one last time before departing to make sure their hair is in order, but I check to make sure my lips aren’t hairy.

  7. I hate that Rita won’t snuggle with me as much as I want her to! She really only likes to snuggle when it’s cold (mercenary little bitch!). She’ll sit beside me on the couch, but if I try to snuggle in to her, she’ll usually get up and leave. Brat!

    But I do love her so…. (which is why I want to smother her with the snuggling, darnit!)

  8. I love this post!

    Every extra bit of money I have goes to pay for something for them. One day I’ll have a bigger savings. One day.

  9. I’m sorry – you had me cracking up int he very beginning of this post with “muppet lips” I guess I hate my dogs because they won’t use the toilet LOL

  10. You had me going there for a second.

    I hate my dogs because I have to take my slippers off when I sit on the couch. They keep my feet warmer than my slippers do.

  11. I love ’em all, but of course the last is my favorite because it’s so, so true.

    Whenever I’m talking on the telephone, there is some sort of breach of our territory outside. It reminds me of talking to friends or family on the phone who have a baby, and the baby is always crying. I have to apologize for my dogs’s barking, and usually I’m on the land line so can’t even leave the room!

  12. I hate that they look all warm and cuddly and peaceful asleep under my desk all day long… while I have to work instead of snuggling!

  13. BOL! I hate the amount of money my darling pups cost. Could have bought a nice, new car with what we’ve put into them $-wise.

  14. As others have said … The amount of money my dog requires! Ugh. Its always something. But we love him!