9 Questions You Should Never Ask a Sarcastic Dog

Honey the Golden Retriever sits at the store.

Sarcastic Honey: Yeah, I’ll wait for you. Like I have a choice.

I think Honey is a sweet dog. But what if I’m wrong?

What if she’s a sarcastic bitch and I don’t realize it because she doesn’t speak English?

If she ever learns, I could be in trouble.

9 Questions Not to Ask a Sarcastic Dog

Pam: Do you want a cookie?

Sarcastic Honey: No, I’m just drooling on your foot to make the hair on your toes grow.

<<< >>>

Pam: Who’s the best doggie?

Sarcastic Honey: What? You spend hours a day reading dog blogs and you don’t know it’s me?

<<< >>>

Pam: Did you dump the garbage all over the floor?

Sarcastic Honey: I thought you wanted it there.

<<< >>>

Pam: Wanna go for a walk?

Sarcastic Honey: No, I want to sit here chewing on my tail while you waste time on the computer.

<<< >>>

Pam: Who wants a bath?

Sarcastic Honey: You?

<<< >>>

Pam: Where did you get my underwear?

Sarcastic Honey: I found it at the all you can eat laundry bar. Unlimited socks and underwear for $5.99 a pound.

<<< >>>

Pam: Do you love Mommie best?

Sarcastic Honey: That depends. Where is my allowance?

<<< >>>

Pam: Should we go for a ride in the car?

Sarcastic Honey: Hey, I wasn’t the one who got rid of the Subaru.

<<< >>>

Pam: Who pooped in my shoe?

Sarcastic Honey: That would be the invisible poodle who lives under the bed.

<<< >>>

Ooh, it’s too horrible to imagine.

No, Honey could never be sarcastic dog. It just doesn’t suit her.

And it would never suit me.

Disclaimer: This post is for humor only. Honey wants everyone know she does not eat underwear, shred garbage, or poop in shoes. 

Do you have a sarcastic dog?



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  1. Thanks for the chuckle. We talk for our dogs all the time – sometimes they are sarcastic, sometimes snarky, sometimes sweet and adorable. But always entertaining.

    • I can tell a lot about my mood by the words I make up for Honey to say.

      Now that I think about it, I wonder what this post is telling me. :)

  2. I have a dachshund and dachshunds are definitely sarcastic dogs! They give all those answers (and then some) with their piercing glare.

    • Some dogs definitely come with an extra dose of attitude. When you’re an athletic and active dog packed into a small package, sarcasm probably comes in handy. :)

  3. You made us laugh today. I think sarcastic thoughts sometimes – I give them a look when they say something particularly stupid. Here’s an example “are you ready for your walk now?” and I’ve been standing by the door, very patiently, for about ten minutes while they mess about putting on coats and boots!

    • Humans are slow to learn that talking is inefficient. We need to learn from dogs that it’s action that counts. Good thing you’re so patient with your people and don’t share your sarcasm in English. :)

  4. Thanks for the laughs! It’s probably a good thing that dogs can’t talk – at least not in our hearing. Dakota the corgi has a disconcerting way of staring at me…sitting and staring. She’s probably trying to tell me to give her something to eat – again. Or is she? Makes you wonder.

    • I know people who have a Doctor Doolittle fantasy of understanding animals talking. But it might be even more disconcerting to know what Dakota is thinking than it is to speculate at random. :)

  5. Being sarcastic suits Winston perfectly, and sadly it suits me well too. I can imagine our conversations looking like the one above. Hm, would be an interesting world.

    Although, you are right, being sarcastic doesn’t suit Honey’s sweet face.

    <3 Laura & Winston

    • I’m starting to wonder if sarcasm is a small dog thing. A doxie person and now a French Bulldog person thinks sarcasm suits their dog. I bet Kolchak the puggle from Kol’s Notes will be on the list soon too. :)

      • It definitely is! They are over compensating for the hieght thing. Like small bald men being muscular. Although all small dog owners I know are mad and treat their dogs like babies (myself included) so I can understand the dogs sarcasm lol :)

  6. Sue at The Golden Life says:

    Thanks for the laugh, Pamela! You have no idea how much I needed it! Callie is at the vet’s right now for observation and exam. And I’m going out of my mind not knowing why she is so sick.

    • I hope you get answers soon and that Callie can get some relief. It’s terrible worrying.

      Glad I could give you at least a little to smile about. :)

  7. I don’t think Poodles are sarcastic, but I don’t think they are especially sincere either. There is a devious part of their brain that is mostly held in check.

  8. Deviousness topped with a large dose of insincere sweetness maybe. :)

  9. I love it! I’m pretty sure Delilah would be sarcastic, when I write in her voice I picture her as a non-nonsense New Yorker with a sharp wit.

    Since Hubby and I are both sarcastic, I think at least one of our dogs would be as well.

  10. From the Husband:
    I’m particularly glad our Honey doesn’t shred garbage. That’s MY job.

  11. LOL! No, I don’t think it would suit her at all. When I ask my dogs, “Who wants to go outside?” they answer by jumping up and down and turn in circles. 😀

  12. Yea depends on our allowance …..LOL so up my street says Molly. Pam please pop over as you have a book coming your way. Please email your address at molly(DOT)the wally(AT)btinternet(DOT)com. Have a terrific Thursday.
    Best wishes Molly

  13. Excuse me Ms Pamela, I have no idea why you would think only littledogs are capable of sarcasm. That is absolute and utter hogwash. I am always willing to tell The Typist she needs a bath. So there. Thank you. Your friend, Georgia.

  14. Heehee. No, I don’t think Honey is sarcastic either. She looks way to sweet to ever think those things. I don’t think Rita is sarcastic either, but our beagle… Oh, she was another story….

  15. LOL – I don’t think Honey has a sarcastic bone in her body.

    Bella, on the other hand… I mean, really, you can see that too, right? I’m pretty sure I’d be afraid to hear what Bella’s REALLY thinking. (Like owner, like dog-ter? 😉

    Thanks for the laugh.

  16. It’s BJ. It is a funny post. Honey is too sweet and innocent to ever be sarcastic – except for the question about a cookie and do you want to go for a walk :):) Those two are the only ones I would possibly use.

    Licks and Rrrrufffffs. BJ

  17. If you have ever read anything in my blog about Franny, u know she is the queen of sarcasm and ironic insights.

  18. That was too funny, eyes still watering!!! I really needed that, it has been a long day! My cat Foxy would love this dog!!!!! 😉


  19. No that is definitely not Honey…it sounds more like the remarks I would get from my dogs!!

    Honey’s way too cute to be sarcastic!

  20. I think I’ve heard those comments before…. but I can’t be sure, since I don’t speak the language either.

  21. I enjoyed this post. I often wonder what my dogs would say if they could talk. I would expect comments such as those – in particular the one about the cookie! And the bath. Lol. Have a good day.

  22. I think about that sort of thing often….sometimes I do think Max is rolling his eyes at me like “why can’t you understand what I’m trying to tell you?” or why do you let squirrel rule the backyard?!

  23. I picture Toby as a sarcastic dog. But you’re right…as funny as those are…I don’t think it suits sweet Honey. :-)

  24. As a member of the Casa de Kolchak household, I can tell you that you would most decidedly know if Honey was a sarcastic bitch. As sure as I am that Honey is as sweet as her name, I’m also sure that Kolchak is a sarcastic jerk.