Joining a cult never seemed that bad to me. At least not if it involved wearing fishnet stockings and throwing toilet paper at the movie screen.
I love cult movies. You know. Those pictures that don’t get much attention when they first come out but that spawn rabid fans after years or decades?
But I haven’t seen some of my favorite cult movies in years.
Maybe I’ve moved on. Or maybe they need to reflect my current interests. Hmmm, what if there were cult movies about dogs?
If Cult Movies Were About Dogs
We’ll start with the best and see how greatness could be improved by adding dogs.
Brad and Janet get lost on a walk. They seek help from a mysterious transvestite who is making a dog with the Victoria Stilwell seal of approval.
BONUS: Theater owners encourage moviegoers to bring their pups to the midnight screenings. They eat up all the toast and hot dogs thrown at the screen.
Faster, Puppy Dog! Lick! Lick!
As a feminist, I should hate this film. But it’s hard to look away from Russ Myer’s bevy of bitches with enormous teats leaving a path of destruction behind them.
The Big Lebarkski
In a case of mistaken identity, the Dude seeks restitution when a thug pees on his rug. This movie put the sickly sweet and creamy White Russian Wolfhound back on many Yappy Hour menus.
Monty Python and the Holy Squirrel
A pack of dogs seek out a holy artifact—a squirrel legendarily chased by a religious figure. It’s a great film. And if you don’t like it, your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Soldiers in a futuristic society battle interstellar microbes by picking up and properly disposing of dog poop. A message for the ages.
This is Spinal Pup
Filmmaker follows the loudest band of dogs in England on tour. This goes to eleven.
The Night of the Licking Fred
Frightened people hide in a farmhouse from a zombie Labrador who can’t hold his licker.
Plan K-9 From Outer Space
An alien race of dogs try to take over Earth by reanimating bodies in the pet cemetery. Often called the worst film ever made.
Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Dog
A new contender. This classic was released online. A nerdy dalmatian tries to take over the world while hoping the sweet dog he meets at the dog park notices him.
Other Cult Movies About Dogs
I wanted to include a particular favorite on this list: Pink Flamingoes. But let’s face it, if you watched it through the incest, chicken sex, and fartist, then you already know a dog plays a pivotal role in the movie. And if you didn’t make it through all that, you don’t want to know.
In fact, if cult movies aren’t your scene, you might prefer Classic Movies That Aren’t About Dogs But Should Be.
Whether you love movies that are so bad they’re good or go for the classics, you have to admit: every movie is better when it’s about dogs.
Your Turn: What’s your favorite cult movie? How could it be made better with dogs?