21 Things You Can’t Do With a Puppy in the House

Mixed breed puppy Scooter chewing NylabonePuppies take a lot of time. Especially if you try to raise them right.

They transform your life and reshape your day.

Thinking about getting a puppy? Read this first.

All the things you can’t do with a puppy around

1. Eat complicated foods. Forget sectioning a grapefruit. Stick to simple finger foods, like tater tots. Preferably still frozen.

2. Say, “it’s only been an hour. He doesn’t need to go out again.” Yes he does, my friend. Yes he does.

3. Work on a computer. Within seconds of your starting, he’ll decide he needs to be on your lap. Oh, and once there, he’ll decide he needs to type too.

4. Go to the bathroom. Did you know a puppy is small enough to sneak into the space between the toilet and the wall but large enough to run off with the toilet brush in his mouth?

5. Hold an uninterrupted phone conversation for more than a few minutes. See #2.

6. Decorate a Christmas tree. Don’t believe me? Just ask the Taleteller family.

7. Sleep for more than 3 hours in a row. Even if your puppy is old enough to make it four hours at a time without a break during the work day, he’ll make sure to drink enough water right before bed that he’s lucky to make it 3 hours without needing to go outside for a potty break.

8. Keep your house tidy. Puppy starts sniffing the recycling bin? Up it goes on the desk. Next he explores the books on the bottom shelf of the bookcase. Move them in a pile up higher. Sticks his nose in the file box? Shove it on top of the file cabinet.

Get the picture?

9. Go out for a leisurely dinner followed by a movie. Once again, see #2.

10. Watch your adult dog enjoy playing with a toy or bone. If someone else has it, puppy wants it. Apparently puppy cute rays work on other dogs just like they do on humans.

11. Talk about politics or music or art. Walk into a room filled with friends or co-workers and the first thing you hear is, “how’s the puppy?”

12. Load a dishwasher. When your back is turned long enough to grab the next plate, the puppy has installed himself on the open door of the dishwasher to provide his pre-rinse services to the dishes you’ve already loaded.

13. Dry yourself after a shower. Step out of the tub, put on a bathrobe, and find a small tongue “drying” your toes, your feet, your legs…

14. Keep dirty clothes in a hamper. To a puppy, dirty clothes make great chew toys, retrieval bumpers, and bedding.

15. Walk through a door. You want him to stay inside. But by the time you make it through the door, he’s sitting on the outside looking at you. Do puppies have a transporter beam? Cuz I swear I never saw him move between my legs.

16. Recharge your laptop. Plug in your laptop. Puppy steps on cord and pulls it out of the wall. Plug in your lap top. Puppy rolls over cord and pulls it out of the computer. Plug in your laptop. Puppy chases big dog over cord and pulls it out of the wall.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

17. Watch television without a remote. Puppy squeal of joy. Turn up the volume. Everyone’s asleep. Turn down the volume. Puppy bark. Turn up the volume.

18. Take a long walk with him on a cold day. When he gets tired, he expects you to carry him home.

19. Watch doggie porn. It’s the one thing on a computer screen that catches his attention.

20. Miss being seen by your neighbors wearing a ratty bathrobe and boots early in the morning while dancing around and singing, “Good poopy! Good poopy!” See #2.

21. Resist the awesome superpowers of cuteness, playfulness, and joy that puppies exhibits all the time.

sleeping mixed breed puppy

 

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Comments

  1. Wear matched shoes. They only nibble on one shoe. And it will be your most expensive one.

  2. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, tears of mirth here! You forgot to mention how you’ll need stock in Band Aid brand for all those puncture wounds from little teeth, or how you’re going to go through socks!

    For the record, our Christmas tree is still standing, too! lol

  3. And forget folding laundry, ironing, and uninterrupted snuggle times with your other dog(s)!

    Great list – makes me realize we are through most of the crazy puppy days. Phew!

  4. A real Christmas tree? HA – I have only had table top ones for years. And yes, puppy breath, as the Tatetellers and you found out, is a mesmerizing amnesiac specifically designed to enhance puppy cuteness, deleting all memories of puppy mischief.
    They change once adopted – I had a Beagle puppy girl who LOVED power cords; I scrambled to secure both them and her. Ran into her new mom a couple months after adoption (had warned her about the cord fixation) – she NEVER approached or touched a cord in her home. Whew.

  5. LOL! Thanks for the hilarious reminder of why I always adopt adult dogs.
    :-)

  6. Remember when you used to be able to use a broom to sweep up? Or put a plant in the garden and expect it to be there (or at least have all its leaves) the next day? But yes, that puppy smell. Mmmmmmmm.

  7. Yep…. they do take alot of work and commitment.

  8. Yeah, we’re skipping the Christmas tree this year. Dexter the Destroyer is just way too curious.

  9. LOL. You are too funny. But doesn’t #21 make up for it all?

  10. LOL, I think at least half of these apply to human pups as well!

  11. Haha! Definitely not Christmas tree this year. We didn’t even discuss it. I can’t imagine what my pug would do to a Christmas tree lol!

  12. BOL i remember some of this! i’m sure if you posted this on a mommy site, it would work quite well too.

    did scooter really do a pre-rinse? ugh.

  13. It’s funny because it’s true!

    *own antiques – baby Koly chewed all the knobs of my great-gran’s dressers and added some nouveau riche striations to my antique coffee tables.

    *Serve hors d’oeuvres at a cocktail party without taking precaution to inform all guests that your puggle is a food wh*re and will not hesitate to take food right off your plate.

  14. Awww I miss having a puppy. Although some of the things on the list holds true with Kelly, and she’s nearly 10! She still wants my attention all the time and loves to lick my toes!

  15. this and the Day in the Life of a Foster Puppy post are fantastic! i know quite a few folks who adopted puppies and seriously had no clue what they were doing. so frustrating. i’m sharing your posts on Facebook!

  16. Ummmm you forgot private time with husband. 😉

  17. Puppies are SO CUTE!!! At least you don’t have to live through the whole 2 years of “puppyhood”!!! He is so cute – he is sure to be adopted soon! :)

  18. Love the list… all made worth it by #21, I’m sure. :)

  19. We just brought home a puppy and have an adult dog…we’ve discovered that puppies also double as landmines and fart bombs. Love your list!

Trackbacks

  1. […] 21 Things You Can’t Do With A Puppy In The House – This one is a good reminder that puppies are a large responsibility and even thought they are cute and adorable they will take up a large chunk of your day.  The one I always fear the most when getting a new puppy is #7 “Sleep More Than 3 Hours In A Row”.  I’ve been lucky my last two pups have slept most of the night, but if I have another Stetson (he only slept 2 hours in a row for the first 4 weeks) I might not make it. […]