13 Funniest Dog Quotes

  • Bulldogs are adorable, with faces like toads that have been sat on. –Colette
  • I took my dog for a walk…all the way from New York to Florida. I said to him, “There, now you’re done.”  –Steven Wright
  • Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun! –Groucho Marx
  • A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. –Robert Benchley
  • Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times–three of those times I was reading it. –Rodney Dangerfield
  • Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, “No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?” Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person? –Jerry Seinfeld
  • What does a dog do on his day off? He can’t lie around–that’s his job. –George Carlin
  • It’s like this, dear boy, the one in front is blind and the kind one behind is pushing him. –Noel Coward (explaining to Laurence Olivier’s young son about two dogs he saw copulating)
  • [Watching the birth of a baby] is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door. –Jeff Foxworthy
  • We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet–so we bought a dog. Well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet. –Rita Rudner
  • Muggs was always sorry, Mother said, when he bit someone, but we could never understand how she figured this out. He didn’t act sorry. –James Thurber
  • Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, “Doc, I keep thinking I’m a dog.” He told me to get off his couch. –Rodney Dangerfield
  • Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. –Groucho Marx
Any other favorites I missed? Please share.
Book Cover
Stop back tomorrow. I’ll be giving away a copy of the very funny Am I Boring My Dog: And 99 Other Things Every Dog Wishes You Knew by Edie Jarolim.
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  1. I like this one from the English satirist Samuel Butler: “The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.” Reason enough…
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  2. Oh shoot. I can’t read this right now. I’ve bookmarked it, though. Rain has kept the laptop out of my bike bags, making me behind. That and other issues. Catching up.
    Thanks for the link you gave me.

  3. These are great!